​How to have challenging conversations
Working effectively on a project, interacting with stakeholders and leading the team to deliver the best outcomes, require hundreds if not thousands of conversations. Not all of these conversations are going to be easy or pleasant. Customer expectations need to be managed and the team needs to find its feet. Many heated conversations may be had about scope, quality, timelines, budget, resources, solutions, tools and methods. In addition, team members represent diverse cultures, values and languages. They have different ways of working and diverse ways of solving problems. Negotiating a way forward, giving feedback and delivering bad news is often necessary, but not easy. 

What makes these conversations challenging?
Think of a conversation that you typically find challenging. When you examine it you will probably find that 1) There is a lot at stake. 2) There are opposing opinions. 3) There are strong emotions on one or both sides. For example, if you need to tell your client that you’ve hit a major roadblock and that the project will be delayed, it will turn out to be a challenging conversation – especially if your client has a strong emotional reaction and suggests a solution that you know isn’t possible. 
 
The types of conversations that I personally find challenging is when I need to say no to a piece of work for an important client. I feel that there is a lot at stake because I’m worried about damaging the relationship. That also means that I’m likely to go into the conversations with strong emotions rooted in fear. I’m unsure how my client will react and I’m worried they will try to put pressure on me or think less of me.
 
The emotional component 
The emotional component is one of the most important aspects to examine as it’s often the key to navigating and unlocking a challenging conversation. It turns out that we humans aren’t as rational and logical as we would like to think. A large part of our behaviour is influenced by emotions that we’re not aware of. In situations where we get emotionally triggered, a fight, flight or freeze reaction is activated in our mind and body. When our emotional brain kicks in it’s essentially trying to protect us and prepare us for danger. The heart beats faster, our breathing speeds up, blood rushes to the muscles and our focus narrows.

This automatic reaction is great when we’re in physical danger, but in a conversation it’s more likely to hinder than help. When we get emotionally triggered, the brain’s focus is diverted from the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision making and complex cognitive behaviour, towards the emotional brain. In other words, when we become overly emotional, we lose the ability to think clearly, to make rational decisions and to draw conclusions. Unfortunately, we’re often emotionally triggered even before a conversation begins. We’re angry because a team member hasn’t delivered what he or she promised. Or we’re worried because our boss wants to talk to us about yet another project to be added to our plate. 
 
Our emotions aren't wrong. They are justified and serve the purpose of keeping us safe. But if we’re not able to manage them effectively, they will narrow our focus and prevent us from having an open-minded conversation and getting to the root of a problem. They might even influence us not to give feedback to someone even if we have a great deal to say. We simply avoid or delay the conversation because we find it too unpleasant. We’re worried that if we fully show up, speak our truth, or put our demands on the table, we will be rejected or criticized. But when difficult topics aren’t openly discussed they will mushroom under the surface. That can cause dysfunctional team behaviour, where sarcastic comments are made but never fully explored. 
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Let's examine four tips that will help you prepare for and conduct challenging conversations.

1. Build self-awareness. Becoming aware of the conversations you tend to find most challenging, understanding why that is and how you usually react is the most fundamental step. That’s because you can only really change a pattern or a behaviour that you are aware of. Set aside some time to reflect on your current and past projects in a place where you will not be interrupted. What are the types of conversations that are the most challenging for you? In which situations do they typically arise? What makes them challenging? How do you feel entering into them (angry, afraid, sad)? How do they usually unfold? What are some of your typical behavioural patterns? Do you for instance tend to get defensive, competitive or aggressive? Or do you become avoidant or compliant? Is it easy or difficult for you to express your thoughts, feelings and needs during a conversation? Do you welcome challenging conversations or not at all? Be as objective and non-judgemental as you can. Simply write down your observations and see if you can identify a few of the traps that you usually fall into. 

2. Prepare for the conversation. We sometimes expect that we should be able to navigate a complex conversation on the fly without any preparation. As a result, we don’t always get to say what we really wanted to and end up beating ourselves up for having omitted an important point or not expressed our real need. Proper preparation cannot be underestimated. In the leadership programmes I run, the participants are asked to experiment and practice challenging conversations with actors. The actors, who are excellent at triggering our participants, might for instance play an angry client or an underperforming team member. Over time the participants learn what to watch out for and they always emphasise how much they learn from the prep-time we give them before getting into action.

So, set aside time to prepare and to think through why you are having the conversation, what you perceive the problem to be and what your preferred outcome is. How would you like your working relationship with your counterpart to be and what kind of mindset would you like to show up with? Also think about what the facts and tangible examples are that you want to present to your counterpart. Then, turn the tables and consider how the other person sees the problem and what they might want from the conversation. What are their underlying needs and what is their emotional state likely to be? By considering what your counterpart’s perspective is you will be more perceptive during the conversation and less likely to be caught off guard.   

3. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. As Dr Stephen Covey said, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply”. If you enter the conversation with an agenda to first be understood and to get your points across, the effectiveness of the conversation will be limited and you might end up arguing who is right and who is wrong. An open and curious attitude, where you suspend your judgements as much as possible, listen, and ask lots of open questions, will get you much further. Even if you have a preferred outcome in mind, the goal of the conversation should be to collaborate and to openly discuss the issue before a conclusion is reached.

Don’t feel you have to have the entire solution thought through in advance. That leaves little room for collaboration. You can also improve the atmosphere by speaking in person and by sitting down rather than standing up. It’s more grounding. When it’s your turn to express your viewpoint, be honest and name the real issue. Don’t minimise it. You have to agree what the problem is before you can solve it. Be mindful however not to get confrontational, accusatory or to speak down to the other person. That undermines the entire process. Speak the truth as cleanly as you can by explaining how you see the issue, how it makes you feel and which potential solutions you see. 

4. Respond rather than react. As previously discussed, it’s important that you keep your emotions in check during the conversation as they may otherwise highjack and derail you. If the conversation goes as smoothly as you have planned, staying calm and clear-headed will be easy enough. It’s much more difficult if your counterpart throws in a wildcard, starts to accuse you of something or in other ways makes you feel uncomfortable. If that happens just stay quiet for a moment. Breathe as deeply and slowly as you can and relax your body, as that’s the way to slow down your heart rate and stay connected to the rational part of your brain. The goal in any conversation is to consciously respond to what is being said rather than lashing out based on a kneejerk reaction. Don’t let yourself get provoked.

​When our participants practice having challenge conversations with actors, they experience time after time how powerful silence can be. Five seconds of silence may feel like an eternity. But it works! Not only does it send a strong message to your counterpart, it’s also an effective way to help you manage your own emotions. If your counterpart’s behaviour is unacceptable, for instance if they belittle you, then you need to call it out and express how you are experiencing their behaviour. Not that easy, but necessary.  


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In recent years there has been much debate on how to characterize management versus leadership. Management is said to be the discipline that specializes on maintaining the status quo, conforming to standards and organizing and directing individuals around the boundaries (time, money, quality criteria etc.) that have been set to achieve the task. If you are a good manager it means that you are good at producing a set of products and services in a predictable way, day after day, on budget and to consistent quality. It is a discipline, which requires you to be rational and logical and make use of certain skills and methods.

Leadership on the other hand is concerned with setting goals, making improvements to existing ways of working and motivating and leading the team to reaching this new direction. It is characterized by certain behaviors such as sharing an inspiring vision, producing useful change, leading by example, empowering others and creating the most conducive environment for team success. Leadership is not about the specific skills you possess but about how you approach an assignment and how you relate to others. 
 
Managers rely on authority, leaders on influence
One of the main differences between management and leadership is the way in which the two disciplines motivate people and teams to achieve objectives. Managers rely on their authority to get work done. They allocate tasks to team members based on what needs to get done and expect them to carry out their job, by and large because they receive a salary for it. Leaders, on the other hand, influence, inspire and appeal to people at an individual level. They strive to get the best out of people by aligning each person’s individual objectives to those of the project and organization. You could say that managers use a push approach whereas leaders use a pull approach. 
 
Leaders have a high level of emotional intelligence
The differentiating factor between management and leadership isn’t the level of cognitive ability or technical skills that someone has – it is to a large extent their level of emotional intelligence (EQ). Managers may have a high level of cognitive intelligence or IQ, but not necessarily EQ. They may be good at implementing effective management systems, but they aren’t necessarily good at communicating change or bringing people with them. Leaders are skilled at understanding, motivating and influencing people. They keep their emotions in check and set a great example for others to follow. Because of their people skills, their approach is often described as transformational rather than transactional. These leaders are able to build strong relationships with others, whereas people with low EQ may be socially out of touch and have problems working in teams due to their individual behaviours.

It’s difficult to imagine a great leader who doesn't have a high level of emotional intelligence. Think about some of the leaders or role models you have worked with over the years. Would you agree that they have something over and above cognitive intelligence? 
 
Can project managers learn to lead?
Many project managers come from a technical background and have a rational, logical and analytical way of thinking. It means that they are good at analyzing facts, calculating duration, coordinating activities and making rational decisions. They are task-focused and concerned with getting things done. They see their primary role as delivering what the customer has asked for within the agreed parameters of time, cost and quality. They are less concerned with why their customer needs the product and in which ways it affects their business and the people who develop it and use it. Their strength is in executing someone else’s vision rather than defining it.
 
There is nothing wrong with being logical and task-oriented. As project managers we need those skills, especially when planning and estimating a large project. Being good at management isn't a bad thing. The issue arises when this is the only style in the toolbox, which is then being used to also manage people and communicate with customers. Project managers need both disciplines. We need to manage tasks and lead people. Building high performing teams, great customer relationships and ensuring that the project actually delivers what the customer needs cannot be achieved solely through logic. It requires creativity, empathy, risk-taking, vision and most importantly the ability to connect with people at a very personal level.

The good news is that leadership can be learnt. In contrast to IQ, our level of EQ is never set. Emotional intelligence is a flexible skill set that can be learned and improved upon at any age. To find out more about how to develop your project leadership skills, get hold of the The Power of Project Leadership, now in 2nd edition.


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What a couple of years it's been for all of us! We have experienced large amounts of change, uncertainty and - of course - remote working! For teams who had never worked remotely before, it's been a steep learning curve. But even for teams who were technically well placed to deal with the new situation, it’s been challenging. Businesses have had to reprioritise projects, introduce new ways of working and ask employees to go above and beyond. But the most difficult aspect has been the emotional turmoil due to the pandemic. Fear and anxiety have been widespread and so has anger and loneliness. 

It can be easy to feel overwhelmed and to only see the negative in our situation, but when we look back at the past year and consider how much we have grown, the taste in our mouth can quickly change. Even if you feel nothing much happened apart from sitting in front of your screen, you've probably grown leaps and bounds. Stress and adversity can be a great teacher even if it's initially hard to see. 

With the new year upon us, I encourage you to look back and ponder all the things you have learnt in 2021. In which ways have you had to adapt and expand due to adversity? How have you progressed and how can you continue to develop going forward?

Review the past year
Let's examine what happened last year. Take a notebook and make a list of everything that went well on your projects in spite of the challenging circumstances. In which ways did you successfully collaborate, lead and navigate uncertainty? What achievements are you most proud of? What personal attributes did you develop at work and outside of work? Take time to savour these moments and pad yourself on the back, as you can’t be sure that anyone else will do it. Looking back through your calendar and noticing all the things you did, will remind you of how far you have come and what you have learnt. It will make you stand taller and give you renewed energy for the year ahead. 
 
Also take time to consider what didn’t go so well in 2021. Perhaps some of the challenges were too great for you to handle. That’s okay. Take a deep breath and accept it. There’s no need to beat yourself up about it. Also consider what feedback you received from clients, colleagues and managers. Be careful not to see critical feedback as something negative, but as an opportunity to grow and continue to develop. We all have areas we can improve on. When they are brought to our awareness, at least we can do something about it. 
 
To continue to develop your personal leadership skills in the new year, have a look through the eight topics below. They are grouped into the categories of leading self, leading others, and leading the project. Read through each of them and assess which ones you need to pay the most attention to going forward.
 
Leading self

1. To what degree are you able to control your impulses? 
There are many situations on a project that can trigger your emotions, and if you’re not careful they can cause you to overreact and to do or say things that you will later regret. When an unexpected issue or challenge crops up, when a stakeholder changes their mind about a requirement, or when a team member hasn’t completed the work they said they would, it can cause you stress and trigger an emotional reaction. Noticing and expressing your emotions is a good thing, but reacting unduly – or overreacting – because you feel angry, upset or afraid should for the most part be avoided. Form the habit in the new year to become aware of how you feel about a situation and consciously choose how you want to respond. Never send an email or give instructions to a team member when you feel angry. First find a way to calm yourself down so that you can think clearly. You can do that by taking a short time-out, breathing deeply or going for a walk. 

2. To what degree do you have a mindset of success?
Are you able to focus all of your energy on being the best leader you can of your project, or do your thoughts side-track and sabotage you? What are some of the stories you are telling yourself? Perhaps a little voice inside of you is saying that you are not experienced enough, not technical enough, not old enough or perhaps too old to effectively lead a project? Studies show that up to 75% of people’s thoughts tend to be negative, which means that we are our own worst enemy. To be a successful project leader you have to manage your thoughts and remove the negative ones as you would weeds in a garden. If you feel your knowledge is not up to scratch, sign up to a course or find a mentor, but don’t beat yourself up with self-deprecating thoughts. Simply become conscious about what you are thinking and deliberately substitute any limiting beliefs with a set of more empowering ones. If you’re unsure how to do it, find a coach who can help you.
 
3. How good is your ability to manage time? 
Are you working proactively and do you get through most of your scheduled tasks during a working day? To be as effective as you can in the new year, take control of time and manage it well instead of letting time manage you. If you feel that you’re not getting enough work done, block out some time in the morning where you work uninterruptedly on your most important tasks. Resist the temptation to clear the small items first and be careful not to multitask, as it will dramatically lower your focus and productivity. If you manage to get most of your big tasks done early in the day it doesn't matter that the remainder of the day is consumed by interruptions, meetings and urgent issues. 

​Leading others

4. To what extent are you able to fully engage and motivate others?
Are you paying sufficient attention to how you motivate your team and make each member feel appreciated and included? Studies show that high performance occurs when all members of a team communicate and contribute in roughly equal amounts – something which is made possible when people feel safe to express their views and ideas without being criticized or dismissed. During team meetings, encourage people to share what’s on their mind and close the meeting by inviting those who haven’t yet contributed to share their ideas, thoughts and feelings. You can also encourage team members to speak up during your one-to-one’s. These meetings shouldn’t be spent just tracking progress and talking about tasks and assignments. They should also address how they feel and how you work together. Ask the team member if they feel that the delegation and escalation process between the two of you is working and if they are getting the support and guidance from you that they need. In the new year begin to initiate these kinds of honest and direct conversations and really value your team member’s input.
 
5. How good are you at holding people to account?
As much as you need to support, encourage and listen to your team members, you also need to challenge them and hold them to account. Otherwise, high performance is unlikely to happen. It can be truly motivating to have clear performance targets, so mutually agree measurable goals and objectives for all assignments. Remember that it’s not your role to singlehandedly set the targets. Ideally targets and SMART measures should be set by the individual team member based on their own analysis and estimates. When team members set their own targets regarding when a task will be delivered and how quality will be measured, it’s much easier for you to hold them to account. On the contrary it’s almost impossible to hold someone accountable to something they have not been part of agreeing.  
 
6. To what extent do you tailor your communication?
Do you understand who all your stakeholders are and do you tailor your approach and method of communication to each of them? Some people say that you have to treat people the way you would like to be treated yourself, but it’s far better to treat people the way they would like to be treated. Everyone has different communication preferences. Some of your stakeholders would like you to drop them an email to inform them of what is happening. Others would like you to inform them at your regular face-to-face meetings – or they want you to escalate to them via a weekly status report. Don’t make the mistake of treating everyone the same. Instead ask your most important clients and stakeholders how they would like you to keep them informed. Some may need a bit of time to consider your question, as they may never have been asked that question before.

Leading the Project
 
7. How good are you at scheduling retrospectives?
Do you regularly take time out to validate that your project is headed in the right direction and to assess what you can improve and change going forward? Having regular retrospectives is an essential part of leading a project because it enables you to course correct and engage the team in the process. Some of the questions you can ask of the team are: 

• What is working really well for other teams that we can replicate? 
• What does our gut tell us about the project? 
• Which bad decisions have we made that need to be reverted? 
• What would we do differently if we bet our own money on this? 
• What do our customers and executives keep complaining about? ​
• What are we not seeing that is new or different? 

 
8. How certain are you that the project has a strong business case? 
The purpose of your project is to deliver specific outputs and outcomes to your client or project sponsor, right? Well, that’s partly right. The ultimate purpose is for those outputs and outcomes to add value and deliver the business benefits. Many project managers conveniently forget this last step as they believe that it’s the sponsor’s or client’s responsibility to ensure that a valid business case is in place. But great project leaders are happy to co-own the business case and actively take an interest in helping to realize it. How good are you personally at understanding the project’s ultimate purpose and the wider business context? If you feel that this is a weak spot, make it a priority for 2022. Few things are more powerful on a project than understanding the business aspect. 
 
Now that you have carried out your review, choose three areas to work on in 2022. Don’t overcommit yourself by setting too ambitious goals. Small, steady steps is the best way to move forward and set yourself and your project up for success.

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Consider the most successful team you have been part of or that you know of, and what the characteristics were of that team. How many members did it have? How did the team members communicate with one another? How did they make decisions, and what was the feeling you had when you interacted with the team? 
 
Many of us know instinctively what it feels like to be part of a great team. We feel accepted and trusted and communication seems easy. And when conflict arises it doesn't cause a breakdown. The team is able to openly discuss differences in opinion and agree a way forward.

But even if we deep down know what a great team looks and feels like, the steps we need to take to create such a team aren’t always obvious.
​

Performance depends on the team’s communication patterns
Several studies have been carried out with the aim of identifying the factors that contribute to a team’s performance. Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) and Google for instance have gone to great lengths to study teams and analysed if it made a difference to performance that team members socialised outside of work, had flexible working hours or that they had a high level of cognitive intelligence. But their studies didn’t show any correlation between the factors they studied and team performance. What they did show however was that high performance is closely correlated to a team’s communication patterns and whether all team members actively contribute to making decisions and moving the project forward. 
 
On the topic of communication patterns, the researchers found that high performing teams seemed to spend a lot of time communicating face-to-face or via videoconference. Emailing, texting and speaking on large conference calls were found to be a lot less effective and led to poorer performance. In the same vein, videoconference proved to loose its effectiveness the more people attended the call. What this shows is that for high performance to take place, it’s the quality of the communication exchange that matters, and that quality tends to be higher when people interact face-to-face. On remote teams, of course, it isn’t practical to meet face-to-face, but at least we can encourage people to connect individually and to activate their webcam.
 
Everyone speaks roughly the same amount
The researchers also found that in high performing teams the communication exchanges were distributed evenly among the team members. In other words, everybody on the team was actively communicating with each other and at the end of the day everyone had spoken roughly the same amount. Team members didn’t just communicate through the team leader and there weren’t pockets of people who weren’t involved. What this means is that if you are leading a team where only four of the team’s seven members are interacting frequently with each other and are actively contributing to making decisions and influencing the project’s direction, then it’s important that you spend time engaging the last three people. 
 
Regarding the size of the team, it’s been found that high performing teams tend to consist of less than ten team members – presumably, because it’s a lot easier to communicate effectively and engage a small team than a large one. Don't let your team's size be an excuse however to creating a productive team. If you lead a large team, split it into sub-teams and focus on creating high engagement within each of these smaller units. 

The interesting thing about Google’s research, isn’t just the conclusions that communication and contribution are the most important factors for high performing teams, but also how such an environment can be created. This is where the role of the team leader or project leader becomes vital. 
 
The studies show that equal communication and contribution happens when the project leader is able to create an environment where team members feel safe enough to contribute. In teams where a few members are allowed to dominate discussions or where the team leader is too controlling or judging, many members simply don’t come forward with their views and ideas out of fear of being dismissed. 
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​Project Leaders need to have a high level of social sensitivity
For you as a project leader this means that you need to take on the role of a facilitator and that you must moderate the team’s discussions in such a way that the members feel that it’s ok and safe to come forward and share what’s on their mind - be it concerns or new ideas. You can do that by explicitly asking the more reserved team members what their views are and by recognizing their contributions during meetings. At the end of a meeting for instance, you can let each person summarise their reflections and take away's to make sure that everyone has contributed.

Team leaders need to have a high level of social sensitivity and emotional intelligence to do this, as moderating a conversation and making people feel safe is all about reading people, listening, empathising and knowing how to make people feel that they belong in the group.  
 
First, examine what you feel your own role is within the team. Do you feel that it’s your job to come up with great ideas and to show the way - like the perfect superhero? Or do you feel that your primary role is to encourage the team members to contribute and to bring forth ideas? Those leaders who perceive themselves as strong, decisive and fast moving don’t always realise that they cut off the team in the process because they are not sufficiently inclusive. What we have just seen from the research is that high performance happens when all team members play along. This requires the team leader to sometimes slow down and take the council of all members of the team instead of rushing to fix a problem or implement a decision, which only a few contributed to. 
 
Show your vulnerability and create psychological safety
As time is of essence on most projects it can be tempting to jump in like a superhero, force a decision and to ignore the quieter team members. But Google’s research shows that you must be sensitive to everyone within the group and encourage people to be sensitive to each other.

What you want to avoid is a group of bright individualists where people are only thinking about themselves. Instead, help people to be mindful of each other and to share personal stories and emotions. Begin by setting a good example yourself. Become an advocate for trust and respect by sharing something personal that has some weight and that shows your vulnerability. This could be a time in the past when you made a wrong decision, failed at implementing a project or made a faux pas with the client. Or you could share something entirely personal about a health issue or a family conflict. What you will find is that you begin to create what psychologists refer to as psychological safety – a sense of confidence that the team will not embarrass, reject or punish someone for speaking up or for sharing something sensitive.
 
When psychological safety is present, people feel free enough to share what’s on their mind – whether it’s a bright new idea or a tough personal challenge. They are able to talk about what is messy and have difficult conversations with colleagues who have different opinions. And this is when high performance can occur. Because when people feel psychologically safe, they bring their entire personality to work where they contribute with all that they have without fear that they will be judged or criticized.

​So dear project managers and leaders, be mindful of how you come across to the team and the extent to which you like to be the superhero. Reduce your levels of control and judgment, and replace it with humility, empathy and sensitivity.

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The ability to identify, articulate and share a clear vision for the project is one of the key ingredients to project success. When we run projects we must begin with the end in mind as Stephen Covey put it in his best-selling book; The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Beginning with the end in mind – in a project context – is about envisioning what we ultimately would like the project to achieve and how it fits into the bigger context of organisational change. 

The vision clarifies the clients’, sponsors’ or organisation’s strategic objectives, focuses the team and provides a target to plan against. It gives the project manager a view of where the client wants to go, but it won’t give them all the stepping-stones to getting there. The stepping-stones will be derived by the team and will typically consist of tangible deliverables and outcomes. For the vision to be as effective as possible it should be clearly articulated, have an inspiring and energising effect and be aligned to corporate strategy.
 
Many project are tactical and not strategically aligned
Oftentimes projects get kicked off and executed without a clear vision. The result could be tactical project outcomes that are short-term in nature and that quickly get superseded by other changes. Without a clear vision there is a high risk of a disconnect between the project’s tangible outputs and what the customer or organisation really needed. The project may fail to deliver the expected benefits, either because the business needs weren’t fully understood, or because the initiative wasn’t fully thought through or aligned with corporate strategy. According to PMI’s research 60% of projects are not aligned to strategic objectives although such an alignment has the greatest potential to add value to an organisation. Unfortunately, this means that although many projects are delivered more or less to specification, the end product is tactical and ends up not adding as much value as it could have. 
 
We could compare the importance of having a clear vision to how great cities are built and developed. If a new area needs to be redeveloped the developers won’t just start building houses and roads without a master plan. The master plan sets the vision for how the entire area will look with houses, offices, public spaces, services and infrastructure. If the master plan isn’t in place the area may never function well or become an integrated part of the city. The same is true for other types of projects. We have to look as far into the future as possible and create a map of the project’s long-term outcomes and benefits. And we have to envision how the project will interact with other change projects and with existing business processes.
 
Leaders think differently to managers
In my book The Power of Project Leadership I have written extensively about the differences between manages and leaders.  One of the characteristics of managers is that they are good at delivering an output on time, to budget and to the expected quality. They are skilled at executing a vision, which has been set by others. Leaders on the other hand help set the vision by considering the bigger picture and by looking further into the future. When delivering a project they ensure that the strategic context is well thought through and that the project will add value in the long term.
 
Being visionary has been a characteristic that we associate with leadership for a long time. According to Harvard Business Review (HBR) being visionary and forward-looking is one of the attributes that most distinguishes leaders from non-leaders. In a survey of tens of thousands of people around the world HBR asked people what attributes they were looking for and most admire in a leader. 72% of people said that being visionary and forward-looking was something they wanted from a leader. Among respondents in more senior roles, the percentage was even greater, at 88%. 
 
When project professionals head up a project it's imperative that they don’t act like constrained managers who are just accepting the brief as given by senior management or the client without questioning it and engaging with it.  They have to partner with the client and play an active role in shaping the project’s goals and benefits until it makes sense and until they fully understand it. 
 
This may be a new way of thinking for many project managers who are used to the traditional way of operating. Traditionally project managers are concerned with delivering an output or a product rather than the big vision. The customer – internal or external – normally specifies what they want and the project manager helps deliver it. They happily leave the big-picture-thinking to the client or to the project sponsor who they feel is closer to the business and the decision-making process. 
 
The problem however, is that we often make the incorrect assumption that the client and sponsor know what their needs are and that they have analysed their current challenges and opportunities in depth. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. Whereas the client, or business owner, know their day-to-day operations better than the project manager, they may not be skilled at specifying how their current and future needs can be met by a new product or service. They also may not be able to predict what the positive and negative impacts will be of a major change programme and what to do about it. Ultimately this may lead to a failed project. 
 
For this reason strategic projects require a leader who thinks and acts differently to the execution-oriented project manager. These projects need someone who knows that they can improve the project’s success rate and value by getting involved in the big picture and by fully engaging with the client’s views and ideas. This doesn't mean that they own the vision. It means that they query it, draw it out, improve it and align it with the project.
 
In addition to seeing the project in a strategic context project leaders are also skilled at sharing the vision with the team members who need to execute it. They know that working on projects that have meaning and purpose motivates team members. Many tactical projects don’t have a real impact on the organisation whereas strategic projects that are part of a bigger vision do. Having a clear vision isn’t just inspiring for the team it also provides an essential element of focus and alignment. 
 
Conclusion 
The main benefit of having a clear and meaningful vision is to help ensure that there is congruence between the actual project deliverables and the strategic objectives of the project – and that those objectives serve a greater purpose for the organisation. Whereas the project manager isn’t ultimately responsible for the vision they do need to ensure that the project delivers what the users need rather than what they want, and that the project will add as much value as it can in the long term. Having a sound project that’s backed up by a great vision gives the project manager and the team the ultimate focus and motivation that’s needed to deliver a strategic project.

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​

​The importance of risk management cannot be overemphasised. When you are proactive in identifying and mitigating potential threats for your project it means that fewer issues are likely to arise. Project managers who want to make a difference don’t sit back and assume that the road to project delivery will be straightforward. They regularly take time out with the team to assess everything that could impede the success of the project and actively take steps to manage the situation. 

​Be collaborative
One of the classic mistakes in risk management is to treat it as a mechanical process that’s carried out in isolation by the project manager. Risk management works best when all team members collaborate and share their knowledge and insight. When risks are identified, analysed, mitigated and planned in collaboration, not only are more risks identified, accountability and ownership are also reinforced. Project managers sometimes assign themselves to most of the items in the risk register. But that doesn’t leverage the team or create a shared sense of responsibility. It’s important to assign the right owners and to gain their buy-in and acceptance for fully managing a risk. 
 
Let’s examine the steps involved in managing risks in a collaborative manner. The method is based on post-it notes and flipchart paper and the team being co-located. If the team is working remotely, you can follow the same process by using an online collaboration tool. 
 
Step 1: Silently brainstorm risks
The first step in collaborative risk management is to ask the team to silently brainstorm all possible project risks in a workshop setting. Give people a stack of post-it notes and ask them to consider anything that could go wrong. As they think of potential pitfalls they should write down each risk on a separate post-it note and stick them on the wall. The more specific the risks, the easier it will be to identify an appropriate response to them.
​
Some of the risks will be specific to the project, while others will be generic risks that affect all projects—for example, user unavailability at the time of user testing. That’s ok. Let team members capture all types of items as they could all turn into issues if not properly mitigated. And don’t make the mistake of deliberately omitting certain risks because they are too precarious to discuss. Remember, that it is much easier to manage a risk than to wait until it becomes an issue.

​Step 4: Identify and capture risk response
The fourth step is to focus on the risks with the highest likelihood and highest impact and determine what the best risk response would be. What actions must be taken to lower the likelihood and lessen the impact of the most important risks? You probably don’t need to respond to every single risk that has been identified. I recently facilitated a risk workshop with a manufacturing team in Malaysia. They identified 24 risks across the project and decided to mitigate each and every risk. The project was simply too important to the business to take any risk.

In your case, decide which risks are worth mitigating and which are not. Some risks are too insignificant to do something about and others are not worth mitigating, for instance, if the risk action is more expensive than taking the risk. When you have determined the risk response, log it in your risk register by determining some tangible actions. I have worked with project managers who only captured risk responses such as avoid, transfer, mitigate, accept or escalate. That is not enough. The risk response needs to contain specific actions. 
 
Step 5: Assign owner
Next, you need to assign an owner to each risk. The owner should be the person who is best suited to implement the risk response and monitor its progress. It could be anyone from within the team or steering committee as long as they accept responsibility. Many project managers make the mistake of assigning themselves to too many risks. As the project manager you are responsible for facilitating the risk management process, but that doesn't mean that you should own each individual risk. The best way to secure ownership for the risks is to collaboratively agree who owns what. Determining risk responsibilities in a workshop is much better than having the project manager assign ownership on their own and hoping that people will accept it.
 
Step 6: Monitor and communicate risks
The final step is to continually monitor and communicate the risks you have identified along with the agreed-upon actions. Schedule regular risk reviews with your team and stakeholders to identify new or changed risks that need to be addressed. Remember to always mention your main risks and mitigating actions in your progress reports and to highlight them during steering committee meetings. Not only will this show your stakeholders that you're on top of things, you might also get valuable feedback that will help you to mitigate risks even better. 

But what about the unknown risks?
The above risk management process is great for risks that you can foresee, but what can you do about unknown risks that your team is not aware of? One way of getting around this is to involve people in the risk identification process from outside the project. People who think in unconventional ways and have a different viewpoint may be able to spot the unknowns that we cannot spot ourselves. Some risks however cannot be spotted either by the team or by outsiders as they are inherently unknown. All we can do in those cases is to build contingency and flexibility into the plan so that we can cope with the impact of the unexpected, wherever it comes from.
 
To read more about how collaborate planning and project leadership, pick up a copy of “The Power of Project Leadership”.
 
Conclusion
Risk management is imperative to effective project delivery, as it is much easier to manage risks than waiting until they become issues. One of the cornerstones in managing risks is to be collaborative in your approach by brainstorming potential risks with key team members and stakeholders. It helps you identify and deal with potential threats and creates a shared sense of responsibility. You should also involve people from outside the project to help you spot the unknown risks.
 
After you have identified your risks, explore the root cause and determine how to best mitigate the risks that have the highest impact and probability. Resist the temptation to assign yourself to too many risks. Instead, jointly determine who the most appropriate owner of each risk is. 
 
Encourage a discussion around the project’s main risks at the monthly steering committee meeting and remember to always communicate an important risk to senior stakeholders in person before they see it in writing.


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We often say that one of the most important roles of a project manager and leader is to be able to communicate effectively. Being the hub of the project, the PM communicates with team members, stakeholders, end users and the project sponsor – all of whom have different preferences for how they would like to be communicated with. Some people prefer email and written status reports whereas others favour telephone and face-to-face interactions. At times there’s a great need to delve into the detail and at other times it’s all about the big picture. 
 
One of the most important questions you can ask your stakeholder is: “how would you like me to communicate with you? And how would you like me to escalate issues to you?” Many people default to the same way of communicating with everyone, or they adjust their approach based on what they believe the stakeholder would like. Why not ask the question directly? 
 
Communication is a vast topic and it’s not all that easy to get it right. In this post we take a look at the four levels of communication – a tool that will help you become more transformational in your interactions with others and to deepen your communication. 
 
Irrespective of who you are communicating with, or the means you are using, there are four basic levels of communication: content, procedure, interactions and feelings. To be an effective communicator you need to be able to access all of the levels at the right time and not just stay at the content level. Let’s examine each level in turn.

​I. Content and topic
When we communicate at a content level the focus of our communication is the topic being discussed. On a project this means that we would talk about the tasks that need to get done and the issues that need to be resolved. We draw in facts and figures, discuss the pros and cons, ask questions and give our point of view. This is the level that most project managers communicate at most of the time – and the level that they are most comfortable with. That seems to make sense. Talking about tasks, facts and logic should be firmly within the project manager’s comfort zone. After all, a project manager needs to make sure that the work gets done and that issues are resolved in an effective manner. 

II. Procedure and structure
The second level is the procedure level. When we communicate at this level we discuss the structural aspects of the topic and the process of getting something done. It’s about time, duration, sequence, control points, and roles and responsibilities. Procedure is immensely important on a project and it’s hard to imagine that people who cannot access this level will get anywhere far in project management. Just consider the project initiation document. It’s largely about the procedures and controls behind the project, and how we will ensure that the project gets delivered. There are probably a few project situations, where the procedure level is not as prominent as it should be – for instance when we close out the project. At this point we don't always pay sufficient attention to the structural aspects of why the project was or was not delivered according to plan.

III. Interactions and behaviour
The interaction level goes deeper than the two previous levels. Here it’s about how team members deal with one another, which can be quite challenging for the average project manager to address. At this level we set expectations – not about what needs to get done and the processes we will use – but about how we will work together. This is about verbalising the behaviours between people and how we act towards each other. This level isn’t just important when the project starts up and the team is formed, but throughout the project’s life cycle. If team members aren’t treating each other the way they initially agreed, or if they are not collaborating effectively, it’s necessary to address it properly and talk it through. 

IV. Emotions and feelings 
The last of the four levels of communication is the emotional level where we express how we are feeling in certain situations and enquire about what’s going on for our team members or stakeholders. This is often the most difficult level for project managers to access because they haven’t been trained or educated in how to communicate about emotions. You might think that the emotional level isn’t relevant to project management, but it’s worth remembering that it’s people who deliver projects – not processes. And whenever people are involved there are also emotions. We don’t leave our emotions at home in the morning. We bring them with us to work. For project managers to be truly effective at engaging the team and building strong relationships with stakeholders they need to be able to communicate at this deeper level.

What level do you communicate at?
Many project managers make the mistake that they solely talk about content at level one when seeking to influence others, predominantly using logic and rational arguments. They may at times go to the structural level, as projects naturally involve a fair amount of processes, but very rarely will they talk about behaviours or even feelings at level three or four. Many think that they have to be as rational and business-like as possible, but they are missing the trick. We need to be able to access the deeper levels when required. Let’s look at some different project situations and how you can effectively use the four levels to go deeper into a conversation.

Example: Project kick-off
During a kick off meeting it’s custom to talk about project goals and what needs to get done. Hopefully there will also be a fair amount of discussion about time frames and roles and responsibilities. But to kick the project off on the best foot, there also has to be discussions about the ground rules and how team members would like to work with one another. 
 
Level I –­ “It’s pretty exciting that we finally get to start this project. We have already talked about the deliverables. I’d like to spend a bit more time explaining the benefits and why this is such an important initiative for our firm.”
 
Level II – “Which collaborative tools would you like us to use? Who will make sure that we get the communication platform up and running by next week?
 
Level III – “I would like all of you to write down one ground rule for how you would like us to work together on this project. This could be any type of behaviour that you feel is important for a well functioning team.
 
Level IV – “How do you guys feel about the project? Is there anything else we need to consider to make you fully motivated?”
 
Example: Building stakeholder relationships
Managing stakeholders is a big part of any project managers job. Consider for a moment some of the stakeholders, or clients, that you need to influence and win the support of. How do you approach them and what do you talk to them about? You could for instance touch all four levels in this way:
 
Level I –­ “Thank you for taking the time to meet and talk about the project. Let me first explain what the project is all about and what the main requirements are to date. I’d love your feedback on whether you think we’ve missed anything out.”
 
Level II – “I’d like to discus the governance of the project and your specific role. Given your expertise we would like you to sit on the steering committee where you will represent the user community. The steering committee will meet once a month. Is that ok with you?”
 
Level III – “Can we agree that if you come across any issues you will raise them with me first? Then we can find a way to resolve it between us. From your side, how would you like me to escalate any issues to you?”
 
Level IV – “John, I get the sense that you are frustrated about the level of input we require from you on this project. Is that right? Your support is really important to us so what can we do to make this easier for you?”
 
Example: Delegating a task
Delegating work is something that all project managers have to do. Below is an example of how to use all levels of communication.
 
Level I –­ “Stuart, I would like you to run the next steering committee meeting whilst I’m on holiday. It will be a good opportunity for you, as you will get a chance to highlight all the good work that your team has done in the last month. 
 
Level II – “You can use the slide deck that I used last time. I suggest that you don't change the sequence of the slides, but add new slides about your team’s achievements at the end. I’m happy to review them and give you feedback before I go.”
 
Level III – “In which ways would you like us to work together to get this done? What do you need from me?”
 
Level IV – “How do you feel about this opportunity? I know that you were quite nervous last time and I want to make sure that I give you the support you need to make this a good experience?”
 
 
Example: Giving feedback during a performance review
The final example is one where the project manager gives feedback to a team member. It’s important not just to stay at the surface but to also delve into behaviours and feelings.
 
Level I –­ “You’ve performed really well on this project Laura. You’ve delivered most of your assignments on time and the quality has been exceptionally high. I’m particularly impressed that you took the PMP exam during our most busy period.”
 
Level II – “I’m also really happy with how well you manage your personal time. I know that you always write a to-do list before you leave the office in the evening, and that’s definitely one to continue with.” 
 
Level III – “One area where I feel there is room for improvement is your contribution to our team meetings. I would like you to speak up more and to share your views. What can we do to make it easier for you to contribute?
 
Level IV – “Laura, I feel that you sometimes hold back because you are afraid to be judged. You need to know that your input is really valuable and that I see you as a long-term member of the team. How do you feel about it?”
 
Summary – The four levels that we can communicate at are content, procedure, interactions and feelings. To influence stakeholders and lead a team in the most effective way, it’s necessary to make use of all four levels. Many managers and leaders have a tendency to communicate at a content level or a procedure level. They are not aware of how transformational it can be to also talk about behaviours and feelings in a professional setting. 

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Congratulations on your PHD Karine! Tell us about your research and what the main findings were. 

Thank you Susanne. Completing a PhD can be a real challenge, but it can also be a very rewarding experience! 
 
My study focuses on how coaching is used as part of talent management programmes within a global bank. Nowadays, coaching is widely used in large organisations as part of talent management and leadership development programmes. A recent study from the International Coaching Federation (2020) revealed that the global coaching industry is valued around $3 billion, which shows the extent of the corporate investment into coaching. My study analysed the views of talented employees from junior to executive levels, HR managers, internal and external coaches involved in talent management programmes. The findings revealed that coaching is experienced as a pivotal career event, yet it is a complex practice which is difficult to implement, especially when delivered internally by senior business leaders.
 
In which ways did your findings confirm your theory and in which ways were you surprised?

In my study, I drew on the social exchange theory and the psychological contract to explain how people develop long term reciprocal relationships (social exchange theory) and how coaching affects the set of un-written mutual expectations between the talented employee and the organisation (psychological contract). 
 
One of the most surprising findings is that coaching symbolises the talent status: it confirms to employees that they are identified as ‘talent’, typically defined as a combination of high-potential and high-performance attributes. As such, talent coaching contributes to strengthen the psychological contract between talented employees and the organisation. For example, talented employees would expect a clear career path and a fast-track advancement. Yet, they recognise that coaching does not guarantee career progression due to other factors such as economic downturn, strategic change and internal politics. Nevertheless, talent coaching is seen as critical for personal development, internal visibility and networking. Also, it represents a unique opportunity to establish strong ties with senior leaders, especially for less experienced talents. 
 
Based on your research, what are the biggest opportunities and benefits of talent coaching? 

Coaching used in the context of talent management can be pivotal for organisations gearing towards leadership change and the development of a coaching culture. By embedding coaching in talent management programmes, individuals and organisations may benefit from the positive ripple effects of coaching, such as motivating employees to adopt a coaching leadership style with their teams and direct reports. Further, from an organisational perspective, talent coaching may be deployed to develop the breadth of management skills of its future leaders and build a coaching culture. 
 
How can these benefits best be measured?

This is a great question, which is still being debated by practitioners and academics. Existing studies on corporate coaching have attempted to evaluate its benefits in terms of return on investment (ROI). However, quantitative approaches of evaluation often focus on short-term performance, which does not account for the long-term effect and value of coaching at individual, organisational and societal levels. We need to evaluate coaching in organisations in a holistic way to capture its many knock-on effects on the quality of relationships and collaboration, which in turn may support organisational growth. Some alternative approaches to evaluate the impact of coaching may include aspects such as employee engagement, wellbeing and corporate culture.
 
What are some of the pitfalls that managers need to be aware of when investing in talent coaching?

My study participants’ opinions converge on one critical point: “Coaching is not a panacea”. Not everybody wants or needs coaching. Also, ethical concerns may emerge when talent coaching is delivered by internal coaches or HR managers. For instance, individuals being coached may develop career goals which do not align with the organisation, which leaves the internal coach wondering how do I handle this information? Also, when a junior talent is coached by a senior business leader, this can put the junior talent in a awkward situation asking themselves: ’how honest can I be without jeopardising my future career?’. Power and influence are critical dimensions at play in talent coaching. If overlooked, negative outcomes may emerge from talent coaching relationships. So, to avoid the pitfalls of ethical concerns, adequate coaching training and supervision are essential, particularly for internal coaches. 
 
Which other tips do you have for managers who want talent coaching to generate results for themselves and their teams? 
​
In addition to the need for coaching training and supervision mentioned earlier, coaching readiness is an important factor for successful talent coaching. This involves approaching coaching with an open mindset, curiosity and willingness to discuss difficult leadership situations in a safe learning environment with a coach. Trust is paramount in the talent coaching relationship. Finally, it seems that talented employees would benefit from considering coaching not only as a one-to-one short-term intervention as part of a talent programme, but more as an opportunity to establish long-term relationships with senior leaders, increase their visibility and learn the ropes of career progression from their coach. 

Whenever I train, coach or consult in project management, it always surprises me how few people plan in a truly collaborative manner. I’ve trained senior project professionals with fifteen to twenty years of experience who don’t appreciate the importance of fully engaging the team in the planning process. They see it as the project manager’s responsibility to plan, and forget that today’s workforce wants to be involved in the work it’s expected to deliver. Many project managers only involve the team as and when needed. But that approach is extremely poor at creating a team that’s committed and united around a common goal. Instead, it creates a group of individuals who work in silos and are focused on completing their own individual tasks. ​

Step 4 – Create the timeline
The fourth step is to prepare the schedule for the high-level plan. Start by putting a timeline across the top of your whiteboard or flipchart paper, flowing from left to right. Use more sticky notes to illustrate the different months of the plan. Then place the categories, or work stream headers, down the left-hand side of your chart. You can now create a grid consisting of horizontal and vertical “swim lanes”. The grid will make it easier to place tasks onto the schedule within the correct month and work stream. 

Step 5 – Place tasks onto the schedule
The next step is to transfer the individual tasks onto the schedule based on dependencies. Start by placing the sticky note containing the end deliverable onto the right-hand side of the chart. Then transfer all the tasks, one by one. Tasks that can be completed relatively early are placed towards the left and items that can be completed later are on the right. This is a very dynamic process where team members discuss where, ideally, this task needs to happen on the timeline. As they place the sticky notes, they should take into account dependencies, as some tasks naturally need to happen before others. Dependencies can be indicated with a marker pen between post-its.​

At the end of this step you will have produced a high-level plan showing when each task and activity can be completed in relation to one another. At this stage, when you don’t yet have all the detailed information, it’s ok to make assumptions and to use approximate durations. The collaborative planning process is a springboard to more in-depth planning conversations later on.

Step 6 – Identify milestones 
Now that the high-level plan is in place it is time to identify the milestones. Choose a new colour sticky notes and identify six to twelve milestones. Milestones are tasks with zero duration that indicate an important achievement in the project. They are used to indicate movement and progress and are useful for stakeholder communication and for reporting upwards.

Step 7 - Assign owners 
The last step of the collaborative planning process is to assign ownership to each task and milestone on the chart. Each sticky note should have one owner who is accountable for moving the task forward. The owner may or may not be the person actually doing the work. Irrespective, it is the person who is accountable for it. 

The end result of the collaborative planning process is a high-level plan, with dependencies, milestones and ownership, built by the team. Each person now needs go to away and validate that the tasks they are accountable for can actually happen at the indicated dates. The beauty of this approach is that because the plan has been built collaboratively, team members are much more likely to commit to it. The plan will also help you to communicate clearly with stakeholders, as a one-page milestone plan may be all that they need.
 
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​Larry King, the legendary US television and radio host who passed away at the age of 87, had an unquestionable talent for making his interview subjects the true stars of his programs. He was known for asking short and uncomplicated questions and letting his curiosity guide the conversations.
 
Working in broadcasting as a radio and television host is undoubtedly different to the kind of job that most project managers and leaders get to perform. But a recent interview with Larry King revealed exactly how good he was at building trust and making people open up – something that managers and leaders can and should learn from. 

Larry King performed 50,000 interviews in his career with people from all walks of life, including world leaders, celebrities and everyday people. He began as a DJ and radio interviewer in Miami in 1957 and went on to have a nightly TV show on CNN for 25 years. 
 
Be curious and ask non-judgmental questions
In Larry King’s own words his success came down to his ability to be in the present moment and to not worry about the next question he would ask. He simply let his curiosity for the person he was interviewing guide him. His endless curiosity was a trait he developed as a child when he realised that it was helping him to learn. He said that if you love what you do and trust yourself then you’re able to relax and be in the present moment. You have to let your passion and your curiosity work for you even if that means taking a risk. If you’re too rigid and try to follow a script, you will lose the ability to use your intuition and follow the cues that come up in a conversation. 
 
On asking questions, King said that we have to ask them without being judgmental. If we want to learn and get a person to open up, then we simply have to follow our curiosity, be sincere in our interest for the other person and put ourselves in their shoes. The questions themselves don’t have to be complicated – sometimes the simple ones are the most powerful. For instance “what happened?” But it’s surprising how many people don’t ask enough questions and therefore don’t learn. Try to go through your day and notice how many people are telling instead of asking. Larry King reminded us that no one ever learnt anything from telling. 
 
Walk in the shoes of your stakeholder
There are many situations from everyday project-life where you might be in need of asking better questions, being curious and putting yourself in the other person's shoes – for instance when you want to:

• Build a strong working relationship with a stakeholder
• Resolve an issue or a conflict
• Gather requirements from a client or a user
• Motivate and coach a team member

 
Projects are full of stakeholders, but as project managers we don't necessarily have a close and collaborative relationship with them. Perhaps some of them are too senior for us to feel that we can comfortably approach them. Or perhaps they come across as critical towards the projects or are not forthcoming because they are busy with other priorities. The result is that we often hold ourselves back approaching them, which can lead to a distant or formal relationship. The only way to build a close working relationship with someone is to spend time with them – be curious, ask non-judgmental questions and try to walk in their shoes. 
 
Most stakeholders will be happy to spend a bit of time with you if they feel that it benefits them too. How can you make sure that a one-to-one meeting benefits the stakeholders too? By giving them your full attention, listening intently and by addressing their concerns. Some of the simple, yet powerful questions you might ask could be: 

• What are your thoughts about the project?
• What would you like the outcomes to be?
• Which concerns do you have?
• How would you like me to communicate with you?
• How can we make best use of your contributions?
• What else?

 
But it’s not enough to ask great questions. Listening is as important. When you meet with someone, try to listen at the highest possible level, which we could call global listening. This is where you have emptied your own mind and are no longer listening to your own internal dialogue or trying to figure out what to say next. Not only are you fully focused on the person you are speaking with, you are also using your intuition to pick up cues and allowing your curiosity to guide the conversation. That’s what Larry King was so good at.
 
Motivate and coach a team member
In a similar way to how you would engage a stakeholder with curiosity and great questions, there is a need to unpack situations and build better working relationships with team members. Perhaps you are conscious that some team members know more about a topic than you do. Or the other way around: perhaps they are novices and you feel you need to instruct them. In both cases there is an inequality in the relationship, which can easily create barriers and hinder trust. 
 
The challenge for many project managers is to be non-judgmental and to put their assumptions aside – especially if they are trying to get to the bottom of an issue. If you think about it, we often enter into a conversation with pre-conceived ideas about what the other person does/does not know, what they can/cannot do, and what they have/have not done. If we follow Larry King’s example we need to put our curiosity-hat on and simply enquire with an open mind and an open heart. Try some of the following questions to open up a conversation and trying to resolve an issue:

• ​What happened?
• Tell me about the issue
• Can you explain that in more detail?
• What do you think needs to happen?
• What’s the ultimate objective?
• What’s the real challenge here?
• How have you tried to improve it?
• What are the pros and cons of each option?
• How can I help?​

 
If you have a situation where you’re speaking to a subject matter expert, and would like to know more about the contents of a specific piece of work, try to ask:

• Can you talk me through the feature we’re trying to build?
• What makes it important?
• What makes it challenging?
• What do we need to watch out for in getting it right?
• What is the most complex aspect for you?
• What are the risks associated with this?
• In the worst-case scenario, how long will it take you?
• And in the best-case scenario?
• Who can help?
• How shall we keep each other updated?

 
But perhaps you neither wish to resolve an issue, nor extract information about a task from a subject matter expert. Perhaps you would simply like to get to know a team member better and build a stronger working relationship with them. In that case experiment with some of these questions:

• What’s going on at the moment?
• How are you feeling?
• What concerns do you have?
• How stretched do you feel at the moment?
• What support to you need?
• How can we better use your strengths?
• How often would you like us to check in with each other?
• What are your thoughts on how we could work more effectively?
• What else?

 
 
Summary
With over 50,000 interviews, Larry King knew how to make a person open op during a conversation. His advice was that we ask open, non-judgmental questions and that we let our curiosity and interest for the other person steer the conversation. The trick is to be fully present and listen at the highest possible level. By doing so, the person you’re speaking to opens up and you create the opportunity to learn something new. Project managers and leaders can make use of his advice in most of the interactions they have – from building trust with a stakeholder and resolving issues to liaising with a subject matter expert and motivating a team member. 

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