​In a project environment it may happen that you either talk ‘up’ or ‘down’ to someone, or that another person talks ‘up’ or ‘down’ to you. This could happen, for instance, if a senior stakeholder is impatient and finger-pointing and uses critical words towards you. You may experience them as lecturing or patronising, which is an unpleasant feeling because they make you feel small. But it could also be that you are the critical one, and that you talk down to a team member who has made a mistake and not delivered on what they promised.  

​You may also have come across people who minimise themselves and talk up to a stakeholder, for instance by being overly apologetic in a conversation. In project management, these unhealthy communication patters happen quite frequently, and people are often unaware that they are using them. I say unhealthy communication patterns because trust is undermined when we either talk up or down to someone. The best relationships come about when we treat people as equals, no matter the situation and no matter the other person’s hierarchical position.
 
The Parent-Adult-Child model
Eric Berne’s Parent-Adult-Child model helps us shed light on the communication patterns that people use and assists us in building better relationships at work. Berne devised the concept of ego states to help explain how we are made up and how we relate to others. The starting point of his model is that every time two people encounter each other, they will communicate from one of three ego states called Parent, Adult and Child. These labels don’t necessarily correspond to how we use them in common English. When we say Parent ego state, for instance, we don’t mean that you are a parent, but that you act with that psychological mind-set. Each of the three ego states relate to how different parts of our personality think, feel and behave. The more aware we become of our own state, the easier it becomes to choose our responses so that we neither talk up or down to someone. If we are not aware of our state, we could be responding inappropriately, and thereby damage relationships or aggravate a conflict. Let’s look at each of the three ego states in turn.

The Parent ego state represents a set of feelings, thinking patterns and behaviours that we have copied from authority figures in the first five to six years of our life. As we grow up, we take in ideas, beliefs and behaviours from our parents, caretakers and teachers. Anything we have heard or experienced is stored in the form of a code for living, and as a result we say things in the exact same way as our parents and grandparents, even though we don’t want to. If you hear yourself say: ‘It’s unacceptable to be late’, for example, it could be something you have picked up from your parents, which is now stored in your brain as an automatic response to certain situations.
 
When we operate from the Parent state, we are typically lecturing, judging or criticising others and focusing on identifying problems. Directive managers who make extensive use of authority and give little freedom to their teams often act from this state. They might say: ‘What? It takes five days to generate the report?’ and it could be accompanied by folded arms or furrowed brows. But the Parent state can also show itself in someone who is overprotective and takes care of others. They might say, ‘Let me take care of that for you.’ In this case a manager may make plans on behalf of their team and fail to seriously take on board the team’s input. The manager doesn’t fully trust that the team is capable and responsible and therefore acts like a caretaker. In summary, the Parent ego state minimises others and treats them as less capable.
 
The Child ego state is in many ways the opposite of the Parent state in that it’s either submissive and compliant or rebellious and carefree. The Child state represents the emotional part of our beings, which encompasses playfulness and spontaneity, but also anger, despair and depression. When strong emotions such as anger, sadness or fear dominate reason, the Child ego state is in control. It will mostly come to light as a reaction to someone who speaks from the Parent state. For instance, if the manager says: ‘What? It takes 5 days to generate the report?’ the team member might reply in a submissive way saying; ‘Sorry. I’ll try to speed it up. In other words they comply with the Adults’ expectations and see the other person’s needs as being more important than their own. But there is another way in which the Child state can reveal itself, for instance if the team member rebels and responds: ‘Yea – you’ll get it in 5 days if you’re lucky!’ Although the dialogues may be exaggerated, they illustrate that neither the Parent nor the Child ego states are useful for building relationships at work. Instead these communication patterns reinforce deeply dysfunctional ways of responding to each other.
 
To build constructive and enduring relationships you have to treat people as equals and communicate with stakeholders based on analysis and facts rather than preconceived ideas. Put in another way, you shouldn’t let your own filters and emotional reactions hijack a conversation. This is an area where we really need to make use of our emotional intelligence and our ability to self-regulate. The third ego state – the Adult – can helps us do so.
 
The Adult ego state is the independent part of us, which is able to think and determine actions for ourselves and make rational decisions based on facts. It represents our primarily intellectual ego that helps us deal with situations in ways that are not negatively influenced by our past. When we operate from our Adult state we are objective, rational and less emotional. We see people as they are rather than what we project onto them. Instead of making assumptions and reacting in an emotional way, we ask for information and we solve problems based on logic and facts.
 
In the Adult state managers who want to challenge somebody might say, ‘What are the alternatives?’ or ‘What consequences will this action have?’ They engage their team and give them the freedom to participate in problem solving because they trust that they are capable and responsible. The emphasis here is on an environment with free information flow, which is conducive to self-development and where people can utilise their potential.
 
If you’re unhappy with a team member’s contributions, refrain from talking down to them. Instead, challenge them with a logical and data driven approach, where you treat them as equals. Likewise, if someone talks down to you, don't automatically respond from the Child state but use the Adult pattern. How can you do that? By staying calm and rational. If a manager provokes you by saying: ‘What? It takes 5 days to generate the report?’ You could respond. ‘I see that this is not what you expected. What problem does this cause for you? Let me explain the work we have to do on our side and we can see if we can find a solution.’
 
In which project situations would you say that you communicate either from a Parent or Child state? How can encourage Adult-to-Adult communication throughout the team?


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When I consult with organisations, train their staff or help review their processes, I’m often told that they don’t get around to formally review their projects. There seems to be so much pressure on businesses and teams today t​hat many rush from one project to the next without taking the time to learn from the experiences they have just been through.
 
When we omit to review a project, not only do we miss out on the opportunity to improve our processes, our working patterns and our team behaviour. We also fail to assess if the project was an overall success or failure and whether the benefits have been realised. Many organisations are not able to tell me how many of their projects succeed or fail and for what reason. The first step in helping a team or an organisation improve is to understand where they are currently succeeding and where they are going wrong. Project reviews can help us gather this information and do something about the situation – and they are really easy to carry out. 

​One way of carrying out a post implementation review (PIR) is to get the team together after the project has been delivered and to first list everything they feel went really well. Then, as a second step, they list all the areas where they feel they can improve. This is not about laying blame but about identifying more effective ways of working. The post implementation review should also answer the question of whether the project was successful and if it delivered what it set out to – including the benefits. When a review is completed, the project manager will typically write up the findings and circulate it to all stakeholders. So yes, post implementation reviews do have merit, but the problem is that organisations often fail to learn from them, as many of the reports are never read after they are produced. In addition, the team only learns the lessons after the project has been delivered..
 
What would be more effective is to adopt one of the agile methods of reflecting, learning and course correcting as the project is being implemented. Why wait until the end? Why not review the project after each phase or iteration so that the team can learn the lessons, identify actions, adapt and improve straight away? Even if you’re not running an agile project, you can still carry out a retrospective after each major milestone.

I once heard researcher Susan Pritchard speak at ICCPM’s Research and Innovation seminar. She said that we must learn through rapid cycles of action and reflection in the moment and that it’s all about learning in the experience rather than from it. At the same event Tim Banfield, a previous director at the Major Projects Authority, also argued that lessons-learnt papers have limited value. He said that it’s far better to get people to talk and share their experiences across projects by giving them the space and opportunity to learn from each other as the project progresses. He also emphasised the importance of asking people outside the project for input in order to continuously learn and improve.

What is your current situation? Do you review your projects? Do you learn from your mistakes and do you get a chance to course correct in the experience? 


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Personal and professional growth should be one of the highest priorities on anyone’s to-do-list. Progressing, expanding and getting better at what we do is one of the fundamental human needs that we all have. Some of us love to read and others like to attend events or workshops. Podcasts is yet another way to learn which has become increasingly popular over the last ten years – and with good reason! For the most part podcasts don’t cost anything, you only need to invest one hour of your time and you can listen on the go. But best of all, you get the opportunity to learn from the best brains in the industry.

Some podcasters record short lectures and discuss various topics with a co-host. The podcasts I prefer are those where the host interviews different experts each time so that you get to learn from different people. 

The PM Podcast by Cornelius Fichtner
Cornelius’s podcast - which has been around for a loong time - is still one of the leading project management podcasts out there. It has free recordings as well as a premium subscription service. I have only ever listened to the free recordings and they are excellent. Cornelius often attends the big PMI conferences in the US and interviews the keynote speakers just before or after they go on stage. I have had the pleasure of speaking with Cornelius a few times over the years. One of the interviews we recorded is episode 330: Project Coaching makes you a better Project Leader
 
People and Project’s Podcast by Andy Kaufman
This is one of my favourite project management podcasts, hosted by Andy Kaufman. I find the show particularly appealing because Andy’s interviews are focused on people, behaviours and emotional intelligence rather than the tools and techniques of the profession. He interviews some really interesting people - some of whom have a deep knowledge of human behaviour and psychology. I have been a guest on Andy’s podcast a few times and really enjoyed this video-based podcast, which also features Kevin Ciccotti and Kim Wasson.
 
Fix my Project Chaos by Elise Stevens
Elise is one of the only female podcasters I know of in project management.  From her base in Brisbane she continues to connect with industry experts around the world. Like Cornelius Fichtner and Andy Kaufman it’s always a pleasure connecting with Elise. We have spoken several times, not least when she interviewed me about my book in episode 39. What I also like about Elise is that she is good at putting focus on women within project management.
 
PM for the Masses by Cesar Abeid
Cesar is another great podcaster who has a lovely and genuine streak. I haven’t followed his podcast for a while but looking at his line up I'm determined to start tuning in again. His podcasts cover different topics from personal stories to interviews with project management and productivity gurus. The first time I was interviewed by Cesar was in 2014 about how to can stop managing and start leading.
 
Coaching for Leaders by Dave Stachowiak
Although Dave’s podcast isn’t aimed at project managers per se, there is a lot to learn from the hundreds of episodes focused on leadership.  I spoke to Dave years ago about Practical Strategy for Project Management.
 
Project Management Paradise by Johnny Beirne
This podcast has a real project management focus with a good mix of hard and soft topics.  Johnny is a straightforward podcaster who I spoke to in 2017 about relationship building.
 
The Project Management Show by Scotty Bud Melvin
This show doesn’t have that many episodes, but those that are there are varied and well worth listening to. Scott interviewed me in 2016 about the differences between project management and project leadership. You can listen to the recording here.
 
The Sensible Project Manager by Mark Phillipy
Marks’ podcast are split into four categories depending on whether you a) want to learn about the basics of project management b) want to prepare for CAPM c) want to prepare for PMP or d) want to go for PMI-ACP. I spoke to Mark in 2015 about how to motivate your project team. Unfortunately Mark doesn’t appear to have done any podcasts since then!!
 
The Lazy Project Manager by Peter Taylor
Peter’s podcast – although popular – also seems to lack recent episodes. So far there has only been one recording this year. The podcast is still worth checking out however as it has 184 great podcasts in the iTunes library.
 
Manage This By Nick Walker
This is a podcast, which I haven’t come across before, but it looks great with a very diverse set of topics and multiple co-hosts, so I’ll definitely be checking it out.
 
And in case you wonder what my favourite non-PM podcast is - it’s The Tim Ferris Show by the author of the best-selling book The 4-Hour Work Week.  Tim interviews world-famous authors, thought-leaders, athletes and entrepreneurs, and no, I haven't been a guest of his yet ;-) 


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If you missed Part I of this post, check out the first two steps in recruiting an outstanding project manager here.
 
STEP 3 – Consider the project manager’s personality type
In additional to the above steps, you can generate further insight by considering the personality type you require. Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is an assessment tool, which isn’t normally used in recruitment. We can however draw from the tool in order to gain a better understanding of various candidates.
 
MBTI measures a person’s preferences for how they normally focus their energy, how they tend to relate to the world, how they make decisions and how they organise themselves under normal circumstances. MBTI measures this on the four following axes:
 

1. Extraversion vs. Introversion (how people prefer to focus their energy)
2. Sensing vs. iNtuition (How people prefer to gather information)
3. Thinking vs. Feeling (how people prefer to make decisions)
4. Judging vs. Perceiving (how people prefer to organise themselves)

It is important to stress that there is no right or wrong answer and no right or wrong MBTI style. There can be great diversity in the personality of successful project managers. Having said that, it’s worth looking out for extreme tendencies to ensure that the project manager you are recruiting will be the best possible fit for you. If someone is extremely introverted for instance, will that be a good fit for the role?
 
Extraversion vs. introversion in project management
Managers with a preference for extraversion get energised by interacting with others and will enjoy being around and communicating with other people. They tend to be expressive and action oriented and would potentially enjoy a high profile leadership role.
 
Managers with a preference for introversion prefer to take a less prominent role as they tend to get energised by reflection and time with their thoughts. They are more contained and may prefer to let others on the team take the spotlight while they organise and direct behind the scenes.
 
To find out if the project manager has a preference for introversion or extroversion, ask questions such as:

• How do you tend to solve problems and become clear about a complex issue? (Would the person talk it through or think about it quietly)
• How would it be if you couldn’t talk it through with anybody or
• How would it be if you couldn’t get any quiet time to think things through?
• How would you feel about being the central person of a project, having to constantly liaise and communicate with everyone?

Sensing vs. intuition in project management
Managers with a sensing preference will approach the world and gather information in a pragmatic and tangible manner, working step by step to solve real-world problems and deliver measurable and concrete solutions and projects. They are realistic and observant and tend to look at the detail before they consider the big picture. They will be very good at providing concrete direction to others.
 
Managers with a preference for intuition are theoretical and imaginative and tend to focus on the big picture before the detail. They are good at creating a vision for the team and seeing interdependencies between various streams and aspects of the project. They tend to be future focused and are good at conceptualising ideas and solutions.
 
To find out if the project manager has a preference for sensing or intuition, ask questions such as:

• When planning a project or dealing with an issue, where is your preferred starting point: big picture or specific detail first?
• How do you tend to lead and motivate team members, by giving detailed direction or by painting a picture of end goal?
• Do you prefer to deal with the detail of the project or with the bigger picture vision and strategy?

 
Thinking vs. feeling in project management
Managers with a thinking preference are good at making decisions based on objectivity, logic and rational thinking. They are often viewed as firm but fair managers who lead in an orderly and sequential manner.
 
Managers with a feeling preference will predominantly make decisions based on personal values and have a strong awareness of others’ point of view. They will be known as a people-person and are good at empathising with people around them.
 
To find out if the project manager has a preference for thinking or feeling, ask questions such as:

• How do you go about making big decisions? (Does the person use logic and objective criteria or more subjective gut feelings)
• When you last experienced a situation of conflict, what did you do? (Was the person unemotional and focused on facts and figures or did he empathise and see it from all sides)
• How would you go about motivating team members? (Would the person provide objective and rational reasons or tap into the other person’s emotional and individual drivers)

 
Judging vs. perceiving in project management
Managers with a judging preference tend to be very organised and timely. They will often put work before play and will be good at creating timelines and plans and bringing projects to closure in a timely manner.
 
Managers with a perceiving preference are more flexible in their approach and comfortable in an unstructured or changing workplace. In managing the team they tend to give people a great deal of latitude and autonomy.
 
To find out if the project manager has a judging or perceiving preference, ask questions such as:

• How do you work to deadlines and how do you work if there are no deadlines?
• How would you prefer to delegate a task? Agree up front when it should be delivered or let them get on with it and see how it goes?
• If catching a long distance train, will you prefer to get to the station well in advance, just in time or will you get there when you are ready and then take the next available departure?

 
STEP 4 – Carry out the selection and interviewing process
Steps 1 to 3 have been concerned with the preparatory steps of recruiting a good project manager. Only when the organisation knows exactly what kind of person it is looking for, should it attempt to carry out step 4 and do the actual interview.

You should carry out the selection and interviewing process by observing and listening to the candidate and asking open and probing questions about their experiences and abilities. You can ask questions such as:

• Which steps would you take if you were to start up a new project?
• How would you go about estimating a project?
• What would you do if the sponsor kept changing the project’s scope?
• What did you do on previous projects to engage and motivate the team?
• How would you react if the sponsor asked you to deliver the project earlier?
• Please give me an example of where you effectively managed conflict?
• What do you think is important for the team to work effectively together?

 
Good luck!

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Although it isn’t possible to provide one single definition of what a good project manager looks like, certain traits, skills and attributes seem to be advantageous for a person who is to lead a project.
 
Essentially, the job of a project manager is to take on a customer’s big picture vision and to turn that vision into reality within certain time, budget and quality constraints. To do that, the project manager needs to spend a considerable amount of time and effort liaising with the customer, understanding the vision and planning the project in collaboration with the team. The project manager must keep scope, quality, risks, issues and cost under control whilst liaising with stakeholders and providing leadership and direction to the team. All of this requires thoughtful consideration and a great deal of skill. 

The project manager is the central point of coordination and communication, one minute focusing on detailed tasks, the next liaising with the customer and providing inspiration and a big picture vision for the team to follow. He or she must be a proficient communicator and have a natural ability for organising events, building relationships and making things happen. He must have attention to detail and also have the ability to lead and focus the team. That’s quite a diverse skillset.
 
A good project manager is proactive rather than reactive and will seek to uncover risks before they turn into issues. He will never assume, but constantly ask if he has proof that something is working well. For instance, how do I know that my team is motivated and fully embraces the objectives of the project? How do I know that what we are developing is what the users want and need? How do I know that risks are being effectively identified and mitigated?
 
A great project manager is honest and approachable and focuses on people as much as on tasks. She knows that she cannot manage a project from behind her desk. Instead she works closely with team members and is not afraid of getting her hands dirty. She knows when to support and guide others, and when to challenge and hold them to account. In addition, she is able to manage her own state of mind and has sufficient self-discipline and personal insight to set an excellent example for others to follow.
 
In other words, a good project manger is so much more than a person who has the knowledge and ability to make effective use of tools and processes. It is someone who has the right amount of drive, attitude and confidence to mobilise others to get the project over the finishing line.

tSTEP 1 - Determine what kind of project manager you need
Every situation and every project is different, and the type of project manager required for each project will vary accordingly. Not surprisingly, successful project managers come in many guises. Some projects need a manager who is technical or who knows a lot about the client’s business area. Others require a manager who is good at organising a large undertaking and implementing generic systems and controls.
 
The key to finding the right project manager for any department or project is to first and foremost understand what your needs are and what the company is looking for. To get started, visualise the type of project that needs to be managed and imagine the project manager doing their daily job. What is the project manager doing and how is he or she behaving towards the team and the stakeholders? How is the project manager dealing with risks and issues and with interpersonal conflict? Write down what you see, feel and hear.
 
To help you narrow down your requirements further, ask yourself the following questions:

• Is this a smaller technical project or a large complex business project?
• Does the project have few or many difficult stakeholders to manage?
• Is the project’s domain straightforward or does it require specific knowledge?
• How important is the ability to manage tasks as opposed to people?
• Is the project team already in place or would the project manager need to build it from scratch?
• Has the project already been kicked off or would the project manager need to define and plan it?
• Does the role require the project manager to have line management responsibilities?
• Is a Project Management Office (PMO) in place to support the project manager with best practices and financial reporting or does the project manager need to be able to define the project management standards?
• Which type of personality does the project manager need to be in order to best complement the existing team and company culture?
• How important is the project manager’s ability to lead and motivate others?

STEP 2 – Determine knowledge, skills and attributes required
Once you have a broad understanding of the kind of project manager you need to hire, the next step is to narrow down the description by creating a benchmark of the knowledge, skills and attributes they need to have. Although one candidate may not tick all the boxes, the likelihood of finding and outstanding project manager is much greater the clearer you are about what you are looking for.
 
Read through each of the abilities below and determine the capability level that you would like the candidate to have. Allocate a desired score between 1 and 10 to each capability.

• Understand the business domain and end user’s needs
• Understand agile principles
• Understand the end-to-end project lifecycle
• Understand PMP/ PRINCE2 and project management best practices
• Understand how to gather, document and verify requirements
• Understand how to test and assure quality of end deliverables
• Serve the customer and focus on business benefits
• Effectively initiate a project and secure buy in from all parties
• Set up an effective governance process, including steering committee
• Plan and track project activities
• Estimate and control project cost
• Produce honest and regular project reporting
• Be proactive in the identification and resolution of risks and issues
• Formally identify, analyse and control change requests
• Clearly communicate project vision and priorities to the team
• Coach and grow team members with potential
• Inspire, motivate and provide focus and direction to the team
• Empathise and build strong relationships of trust with customer 
• Enable collaboration and build a high performing team
• Value own contributions and say no to demanding stakeholders
• Stay calm in stressful and challenging situations
• Effectively manage interpersonal conflict
• Maintain a positive mental attitude
• Challenge and hold others to account
• Delegate and manage own time effectively
• Communicate effectively and with impact
• Make effective and timely decisions
• Act with integrity and take personal responsibility
• Set a good example for others to follow
• Effectively give and receive feedback

In Part II of this post we look at the personality profile of the project manager you require. 
​

​A project is a unique undertaking that’s full of risk and uncertainty, because it has never been done before in that exact way. Project management, as a discipline, is a response to this ambiguity. It’s a way to control the unknown. Just consider the most important techniques we use as project managers: we define scope, analyse requirements, plan and estimate work, add contingency, manage risks, track changes and check the quality. These techniques are designed to control uncertainty and plan for the things that could go wrong. We also analyse our stakeholders and draw up a communication plan that will help us gain their buy-in and support. If we don't take time to apply these project management tools, we may jeopardise the success of the project. As Murphy’s Law reminds us, anything that can go wrong will go wrong. And when it goes wrong it may be the worst possible moment.
 
Let the following three examples remind us of how bad it can go. These projects have served the public in amazing ways after they became fully operational. But let’s not forget that they started off as failures. 

Heathrow Terminal 5

Heathrow Terminal 5 was built to handle a yearly capacity of up to 35 million passengers. It was 19 years in the making with the construction phase spanning 6 of those years. It consisted of 16 individual projects and involved over 60 contractors. In other words, it was a HUGE project.
 
At the time of opening in March 2008, only 85% of project deliverables had been completed. As construction work was running late, IT testing and staff training had also been delayed. In spite of the delays, it was decided to go ahead with the original opening date without deferring it. Terminal 5 was a big deal and moving the opening date would have been a big deal too. As a result of the delay there was less time available for hands-on training, dress rehearsals and fixing any problems arising from testing. Cutting short the testing and simulation activities had severe consequences.
 
On the opening day itself, staff had difficulties parking, moving around the terminal and operating the systems. But worst of all was the failing baggage handling system. On the first day 15,000 bags were lost and 35 flights were cancelled as the airport struggled to clear the baggage backlog. By 5pm passengers were told to travel without luggage if they still wanted to fly. 

​In the first week 500 flights were cancelled, 23,000 bags had been misplaced and hundreds of passengers had been left stranded. MPs described the opening as a national humiliation.
 
Although Terminal 5 was a much bigger project than most of us will ever get involved in, we can still learn from its lessons. Making a project operationally ready should never be underestimated or compromised. Testing, training, dry runs and handovers are essential activities on most projects. 

The Millennium Bridge

London’s Millennium Bridge was the first pedestrian bridge over the Thames in 100 years. Proclaimed as an engineering feat in its slender profile, the 320 metres suspension bridge was built in 2000. It was constructed using lateral suspension, an engineering innovation allowing suspension bridges to be built without tall supporting columns. But two days after its initial opening it was forced to close due to safety reasons. It was swaying – or wobbling – so much that people had to hold the handrails in order to stay safe. 

​The bridge had been hit by a phenomenon called synchronous lateral excitation caused by the movement of the thousands of people who crossed the bridge by foot on its opening day. Whereas lateral excitation was a known phenomenon, the engineers had failed to understand that even when people walk randomly, a certain percentage is bound to “match step” and thereby cause lateral motion in the bridge.
 
As a result of this oversight the bridge was closed to the public just two days after its initial opening. Engineers spent 19 months reinforcing the structure with 91 dampers designed to reduce the movement. When the bridge was reopened in 2002 it had cost an additional £5million ponds.
 
Although the Millennium Bridge is a beautiful piece of architecture, let’s remind ourselves of the importance of proper risk management. Some risks are highly unlikely but if they were to happen the impact would be severe. It’s the team’s responsibility to respond appropriately to these risks. In the case of the Millennium Bridge it seems the risk of lateral excitation had been identified, but not appropriately addressed. 

Sydney Opera House

​As Australia’s most distinctive brand, Sydney Opera House attracts tourists from all over the world and adds almost $800 million to the Australian economy every year. But although the Opera House is a national symbol and has been recognised as an incredible feat of architecture, it’s one of the best-known case studies of a failed infrastructure project.
 
The architect, Jørn Utzon was appointed in 1957 with the construction of the Opera House starting in 1959. The goal was to complete the building in four years with a budget of AUS $7 million. But the project took a very different turn. It ended up taking 14 years to complete and cost a whopping AUS $102 million. A number of things went wrong that could be classified as project management failures:

• There was no detailed plan in place when the project started and there was no project manager
• The project was deliberately underestimated by its proponents to get the project approved and started
• The design of the building was not completed by the time construction got underway. Utzon protested but for political reasons the government was pushing for the construction to start.
• Major changes to the requirements were approved after construction had started, moving from two to four theatres. This meant that the designs, which were already challenging for the construction team to build, had to be modified on the go.
• The Danish architect resigned from the project mid way through as he felt his creative freedom was restricted. The government had started to withhold payments as it felt costs were spiralling out of control.
• Redesigns, underestimates and cost overruns continued until Queen Elizabeth II finally inaugurated the Opera House in 1973.

 
Human ingenuity is not enough to make projects happen. We need proper project management to control the unknown elements. We also need excellent leadership to create a unified team of designers, engineers, clients and stakeholders, who act from a place of trust and honesty and who do what’s in the project’s best interest. Thankfully the world of project management has evolved since the 60ties and 70ties and is now a recognised practice. But we need to keep reminding ourselves of the failures of the past so that they are not repeated.


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I have previously written about stress and I have also shared my own story about how I managed to free myself from stress. I know from the feedback I have received, and the work I do with project managers, that feeling confident and at ease is an on-going challenge. We work in hectic environments and are at times just getting by – trying to keep the client happy, staying on top of our inbox and avoiding conflict. Wellbeing is not the word that springs to mind when we think of project management. Wellbeing is something we may focus on in our spare time to recover and get back to balance. 

​But what would it take if we really wanted to feel better whilst working on our projects? Dr. Richard Davidson, the founder of the Centre for Healthy Minds, claim that wellbeing is a skill we can all learn and that the effects can be observed in the mind. All it takes is practice. The more we practice the more we will strengthen those circuits in the brain that promote higher levels of wellbeing.
 
Let’s examine the four ingredients that lead to wellbeing.
 
Resilience
The first ingredient, resilience, is the ability to bounce back and recover from stress and adversity. In other words, it’s the speed at which we recover from unexpected changes and difficult situations. Some people recover slowly and other people recover more quickly. It turns out that scientists can measure the time it takes for our brain to bounce back and that this time span is critical for understanding resilience. Individuals who show a more rapid recovery have higher levels of wellbeing. They are in many ways protected from stress and the many unexpected events that happen on a project.
 
To strengthen your resilience, train yourself to see the opportunities in every situation. Projects are dynamic with risks and issues popping up on a daily basis. The more you resist and fight against them the more prolonged your stress response will be. Instead, accept that changes and problems are inevitable, even with the best risk management approach. When a problem occurs, do what you can to resolve it without getting caught up in a negative emotional spiral. Reframe the situation and see the positive angles. There are always opportunities to grow and learn from adversity, we just need to train ourselves to see it. Some of my biggest personal transformations came from the biggest challenges on my project.
 
To bounce back and recover from an unpleasant piece of news, first become aware of the physical impact on your body. Your heart rate will increase and your palms may get sweaty. At this moment, don’t panic or start to give orders. Instead, pause and take a deep breath. In fact, take three deep breaths and let go of the negativity and the urge to react. From that place not only will you feel better, you will also be in a better position to make rational and intelligent choices about how to resolve the situation.
 
Positive outlook
The second ingredient that leads to higher levels of wellbeing is to have a positive outlook. In this context a positive outlook is the ability to see the positive in other people. It’s the ability to acknowledge team members as human beings and to recognise that they have qualities of innate basic goodness. People who suffer from depression show very little activity in this part of the brain. The good news is that with just two weeks of loving-kindness meditation this part of the brain will get stronger. All it takes is 30 minutes of daily practice where you meditate on feeling love and compassion towards others.
 
To get started, download a meditation app that can guide you through a loving-kindness meditation. This type of meditation is one where you send kind feelings towards people around you. Initially spend just 5 or 10 minutes focusing on feeling love and kindness towards family members and friends who you hold dear. As the days pass expand the mediation to 20 or 30 minutes and begin to incorporate people within your project environment. Focus on your team members, clients and stakeholders. Take them into your heart and send them loving kindness too. This is a very powerful exercise, which not only will bring you more wellbeing but also help transform your interpersonal relationship and the atmosphere on your project.
 
Attention
The third element, attention, is about being mindful of the work you are doing and to not let your mind wander. A wondering mind is an unhappy mind. Scientists claim that on average 47% of an adult’s waking time is spent not paying attention to what they are doing. In a project environment you can work with this element by being present and by simply showing up. If you’re in a meeting, be present and pay attention to what other people are saying. Don’t check your phone or drift off. If you’re on a conference call, be fully present and decide not to check your emails whilst you’re on the phone. When a team member speaks to you, give them your full attention and deeply listen to what they are saying. When you eat lunch or walk through the building be mindful of your surrounding and the food you're eating.

To get started, examine your diary and your upcoming week. Make a note of the meetings you need to attend and the most important tasks you need to complete. Block out time in your diary for these important tasks so that you can dedicate your full attention to them. On a busy project you need to be available to support your team and won’t be able to block out the entire day. Your best bet is to set 90 minutes aside in the beginning of the day where you can work single-mindedly on your most important and difficult tasks. Tell your colleagues that you would like to not get interrupted during this time or find a quiet meeting room. If your mind wanders, bring it back and remind yourself that the more attention you give to this present moment the higher your level of wellbeing.
 
Generosity
The fourth ingredient that leads to higher levels of wellbeing is generosity.  The more you engage in generous and altruistic behaviour the more you will activate circuits in the brain that are key to wellbeing. Luckily there are many things you can do on your project to be generous: Lend a helping hand to a colleague who is struggling with a challenging task, treat a team member to a coffee, mentor or coach a younger member of staff, give well-deserved compliments to your colleagues, volunteer to organise the next team event, or give back to the project management community by sharing your knowledge.  Make a decision to nurture your working relationships by carrying out just one random act of kindness every day. Just imagine the positive effect you would have on your project.
 
In summary, wellbeing is a skill that can be learnt and that we should all take responsibility for. Make an effort to be more present and mindful on your project. Cultivate a positive outlook by seeing opportunities in every situation. Be more generous and send loving kindness to your team members and stakeholders.
 
 
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​I recently listened to one of Andy Kaufman’s podcasts about influencing techniques, and two thoughts in particular captured my attention in relation to how we interact with people on our projects. The first thought is that every interaction with others is an opportunity to either increase the connection with them or to break the connection. The second thought is that people become difficult when their needs are not being met. 

​Every time you interact with a team member or a stakeholder it’s an opportunity to either deepen your connection with them or to diminish it. When the mood is good and you have positive news or a new exciting task to give to someone it might be easier to strengthen your connection with them. But when you need to chase a team member for a task, draw their attention to a mistake, or discuss a topic that you disagree on, it’s easy to see how that encounter can end up hurting the relationship.
 
But it doesn’t have to be that way. It’s possible to have a difficult conversation with someone and at the same time strengthen the relationship. Not long ago I had a challenging discussion with a colleague of mine, which ended up being a beautiful conversation. We had been co-delivering some workshops and felt that there were misunderstandings and friction between us at times. And so we decided to explore it. On the call we each explained what the situations were that triggered us, why that was and how it made us feel. We listened to each other with respect and without judgment. Our goal was to get to know each other better and to change our behaviour so that we would ultimately have a better working relationship. After thirty minutes on the call we were both filled with gratitude because we each felt understood.
 
When you’re about to interact with another person, and you would like to maintain or strengthen the connection between you, first come clear on your purpose for communicating with them. If you’re out to get them they will sense it and get hostile. You might not consciously want to blame a stakeholder who hasn't signed off on a document, but perhaps unconsciously you hold a grudge against them. They will sense that. So when you approach somebody make sure that your message is genuinely beneficial for the other person and that you are interested in the best outcome for both of you.
 
But there is more to it. Because even if you don’t in any way want to blame the stakeholder or the team member, you could still damage the relationship if you aren’t sensitive enough to their needs and their point of view.  When you walk up to somebody, their brain will automatically judge you and assess if you are a threat to them or not. To maintain or strengthen the connection you need to be seen as a friend who they know, like and trust. Engage in an open conversation and choose your words carefully.  It’s not what you say that matters but how they perceive your message. Show genuine interest for their needs and deeply listen to their side of the story. In fact you should listen so well, that you are able to express their needs and concerns just as well as they are. You don’t have to agree with the other person, but try to understand them.
 
Also bear in mind that people become difficult when their needs aren’t met. On a project, this could be a need for power, control, validation or perhaps certainty. If somebody appears negative, ask yourself what the underlying cause might be. There could be a very valid reason for their feelings. If you’re in doubt about somebody, assume that their need is to feel listened to, accepted and appreciated. That thought alone can transform your professional relationships.
 
Connecting with negative people
If you’re dealing with a negative stakeholder who is shooting down a good idea, make sure you ask them questions rather than bombarding them with statements. So instead of stating that you’re disappointed about their response and the consequences, ask them how they expect you to deal with a potential fallout. Also ask them how they would like you to explain the decision to the team and other impacted parties. In this way you are creating an imaginary scenario in their brain, which can be very powerful. Likewise, if a team member hasn’t completed their work on time, ask them how they suggest you explain that to the client. You can reinforce this by asking them how they think it feels to be in your situation. Allow the other person to step into your shoes. What you’re doing is that you are transferring your emotion to them and making yourself a human being in their eyes. But remember that you have to do it without blaming them or accusing them in order to maintain the connection between you.
 
Now, if a stakeholder or a team member is continually negative, try to use the black hat thinking technique where you deliberately ask them to come forward with their concerns. Say that what you need right now is for everybody to shoot holes in the idea you have put forward. This technique will address the fact that some people just need to be heard. If they mention something terribly negative, thank them and ask “what else?” You don’t want them to go down a rabbit hole of negativity. You’re simply creating a list of concerns. In a similar vein you can invite people to write down 10 reasons why a certain idea will fail. The really negative person probably won’t be able to come up with that many reasons.
 
There were a few other tips about to create connection that I picked up from the podcast. The first one is to look into people’s left eye, and to avoid important conversations just before lunch when people are hungry. If you’re communicating via email, finish it with the magic phrase “thanks in advance”. You can even include a smiley face after that. Apparently, it grabs people’s attention and will increase the likelihood of a positive and timely response.


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If you’re leading a project or a team you will know first hand that some people are easily motivated and committed to the work they do, whilst others are much harder to get through to. They ask lots of critical questions and resist any kind of control. If you are to overcome this kind of challenge and influence even the rebels on your team, you may have to change your approach. 

​It turns out that there is a relatively simple way to analyse and categorise people, which helps us understand how we respond differently to assignments, rules, habits and expectations. According to Gretchen Rubin, the best selling author of the Happiness Project, people fall into one of four categories when it comes to motivating themselves to getting work done.  The four different categories that she talks about are Obligers, Questioners, Upholders and Rebels. According to her experience, the majority of people are obligers and questioners.
 
Understanding the category that each of your team members fall into will help you to better motivate and influence them to contribute constructively to your project. At a personal level it’s also useful to know which type you are, as it will help you to follow through with your commitments to yourself and others.
 
The way that Rubin categorises us is by looking at how likely we are to respond to a rule. In her terminology a rule can either be external or internal. An example of an external rule would be a deadline or a request from your manager. An example of an internal rule would be a personal goal you’d like to achieve or a new year’s resolution. No one asked you to do it. It stems from your own internal desire.
 
1. Obliger
An obliger is someone who responds well to external demands and rules set by others. They do however struggle to keep the rules they set themselves and carry through with private goals. In other words, they are motivated by structures, accountability and deadlines imposed by others. They hate letting other people down and are motivated by doing what’s expected of them. In a team they are super reliable because they like to please. On the flipside they are not good at self-starting because no one is checking on them. They can also be prone to burnout and have difficulties saying no.  
 
If you have an obliger on your team you probably don’t need to do much more than create some outer accountability, for instance by giving them clear deadlines. But don’t put too much pressure on them, as it will cause them to overwork and get stressed. If they feel that you are exploiting them they may end up walking away.
 
If through reading this you realise that you are an obliger yourself, you’ll need to create some external accountability to help meet your inner goals.  If you want to exercise more for instance, sign up with a personal trainer or work out with a friend who can serve as an accountability buddy. For other types of goals you can also work with a coach who will help you stay accountable to yourself.
 
2. Questioner
The questioner is someone who queries everything. They will only follow a rule or a request if it makes sense to them. They are motivated by sound reasons and good arguments – not by random requests or policies. Their favourite question is why something needs to get done and what the purpose is. On the plus side they can be very healthy for an organisation or a project because of their no-nonsense approach. If they agree that something needs to get done, they’ll be highly engaged. If not they won’t deliver what you expect. The drawback is their constant need to question things, which can be exhausting to everyone around.
 
If you work with a questioner always come prepared. Give them as much information as you have and let them know why the work you are asking them to do is important. If they don’t speak up, ask them what questions and concerns they have. It’s best to get their worries out in the open so that you can address them and also explain what happens if the work isn’t done.
 
It could also be that you are a questioner and that you struggle to get the things done that are important to you. If so, do sufficient research and get clarity on why you’re pursuing a certain aim in a certain way. Reassure yourself that the approach you’re leaning towards makes the most sense. If you find that you’re holding yourself back because you’re waiting for perfect information, remember that not all information is required to take the first step. To get the benefit from something you do need to get started.
 
3. Upholder
The upholder is someone who respects inner rules and expectations as well as outer rules. They are motivated by fulfilment and by that nice feeling of getting stuff done and achieving something. On the plus side they are self-starters, reliable and don’t need a lot of supervision or accountability. They typically wake up and thinking “what’s on my to-do list today?” On the negative side they need clear rules to be able to operate and avoid letting anyone down. They don’t like to deviate from rules and get frustrated – paralyzed even – when rules are ambiguous or lacking.  To others they can come across as rigid or cold. At times they can even make others feel bad because of their high levels of productivity
 
If you work with an upholder on your project, always give clear directions. Brief them on what you expect and by when you expect it. Also discuss how often you will check in with each other so that you both have full clarity.
 
If you are personally an upholder (like I am) then it’s probably easy for you to get work done and to achieve the things you want. On the flipside, be aware of how rigid you might appear to others. Be able to let go of your strict rules, and when things change, don’t freak out. Take a deep breath!
 
4. Rebel
The rebel is someone who resists all rules – outer as well as inner. They want to do as they please and are motivated by their present desire. If you ask them to do something, not only will they not do it, they are very likely to want to do the opposite. They resist all control, even self-control. They act from a sense of freedom and don’t give themselves rules. They begin their day by asking “What do I want to do today?” Rebels aren’t constrained by rules and love to not have any. On a positive note it means that they will sometimes be fine to do what others won’t do as they may not be bound by social etiquette or worry about how others see them. On the negative side they can be frustrating to work with because of their nonconforming manner.
 
If you work with a rebel the best thing you can do is probably to challenge them. They do like a good challenge as long as it comes with buckets of freedom. Like with a rebellious child, say that you bet they can’t do it, e.g. produce a winning slogan. They’ll likely think “I’ll show you!” Be playful and give them freedom to rise to the challenge. You can also get through to them by demonstrating what happens if they don’t show up and take part in an activity. But don't nudge them. Let them arrive at the conclusion themselves.
 
If you are a rebel yourself, you might find your own resistance and lack of self-control difficult. Set yourself clear challenges and try out the rocking chair exercise. Imagine you are eighty years old and sitting on the porch in your rocking chair, looking into a peaceful garden. In that state imagine that you spent your entire life rebelling and didn’t achieve the things you really wanted. Take time to feel how awful that would feel. So challenge yourself to make your dreams come true!
 
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As we enter 2018 many of us naturally consider what we would like the New Year to bring and what we would like to do and achieve. For me it will be no different. But for the first time in many years I will have more mind-set-related and behavioural goals than external achievement goals. ​In recent years my goals have been related to writing project leadership books, starting my business, attracting clients and travelling to new exotic locations. These types of goals are not about refining my behaviour, improving my thought patterns or cultivating personal attributes within myself. They are related to achieving things in the physical world. I sense that 2018 will be different as I’m trying to put less emphasis on external achievement goals. Instead I will trust that as long as I do the right things, I will attract the right experiences into my life. 

​It’s not that there is anything wrong with setting physical goals. We all have a need to feel that we are progressing and that we are moving forward in work and in life. We can feel a strong sense of accomplishment from obtaining a certain qualification, finishing a particular project or landing that dream job. Setting SMART goals and acting on them, definitely help us achieve our objectives. But we also need to allow ourselves to just be. We often put unnecessary pressure on ourselves by feeling that we need to be in a certain job position by a certain age or by constantly having to prove ourselves. We may feed our ego by accomplishing a lot, but we don’t necessarily feed our spirit.
 
I always tell my coaching clients that the real work is the internal work. If we spend time looking inwards, acquiring the right mind-set, then the rest will follow. I coach a lot of people who have low self-esteem and who tend to compensate by holding on to physical things, frameworks or achievements. But that will never create true fulfilment. The real work is to strengthen our self-belief and to challenge our perceptions until we feel a warm glow of self-love inside.
 
In a similar vein I often come across individuals who experience a high degree of conflict with people around them. There is always something wrong with their boss, their clients or team members. But instead of wanting to swap projects or organisations, the solution is to look inwards and review our attitudes and behaviours. If we acquire the belief that everyone has something valuable to contribute to every situation, then we will take a greater interest in others and give them more space. The result is better relationships in all areas of life. It is by looking at how we can think and act differently that we can create the greatest transformation in our personal and professional life.
 
I’m self-employed and at the back of my mind there is often a little fear that perhaps I won’t be as busy this year as I’ve been in the past. But I’ve always been fine, and each year has in fact been more rewarding than the last. I need to get my mind-set right and take my own medicine! As I go into 2018 I don’t want to be steered by this fear and I don’t want to numb it by setting lots of external goals to make my ego feel better. Instead, I will look inwards and concentrate on acquiring the right mind-set. I will appreciate each moment and the opportunities that it brings. When I find myself in an unfamiliar or uncomfortable situation I will try to take a step back and objectively evaluate it. From that vantage point it will be easier to consciously decide how I want to respond. 
 
What kind of mind-set do you need to acquire in 2018 to become more fulfilled? And in which ways do you need to refine your behaviour? Perhaps you can find inspiration in the three P’s below: Purpose, Presence and Pause. They form the basis of my own goals for 2018.

​PURPOSE – In order to attract the right things into your life, you need to start each day feeling connected with yourself and your purpose. With the right mind-set, every day can become a great day. It doesn’t matter what you choose to do, but you need some kind of morning ritual that connects you with the essence of who you are and what you want to bring to the day. Some people meditate whilst others go for a brisk walk. Personally I like to start the day with a few yoga exercises that wake up my body and my mind. In 2018 I will become even more mindful during my yoga practice and be reminded of my purpose, which is to use my talent to contribute to the world around me.
 
PRESENCE – One of the biggest gifts you can give someone is your time and your attention. But it’s also one of the biggest gifts you can give yourself because it has the potential to transform all of your relationships. When you are fully present with another person, listening to them and trying to walk in their shoes, they will feel that you understand them. I’m convinced that there will be far fewer conflicts and misunderstandings in our personal and professional life if we take the time to listen to and understand each other. In 2018 I aim to be more present in my interactions. I will fully listen to and engage people who I cross and make them feel understood. 

PAUSE – On your project or in your private life you may at times snap at someone or disengage because of a challenging situation that triggers you. Whenever you feel uncomfortable, irritated or upset in the New Year, press your pause button and just breathe. Let the emotion wash over you without acting on it. These strong emotions can distort your sense of judgement and make you do and say things that don’t serve you. Instead, step outside of the situation for a couple of minutes and evaluate what is going on. What are your beliefs about the stressful events and why is it affecting you? When you’re able to you see the situation clearly you will be much better able to choose how to respond. This is something we can all get better at – including myself.
 
I hope you’ll have a wonderful 2018 full of purpose, presence and mindful pauses.


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