A successful project manager and leader is so much more than someone who is capable of producing a plan and track its activities. To be a leader, you must keep an eye on the vision, be able to navigate the unknown and focus on people as much as you focus on tasks. 

Your ability to build trusting and lasting relationships with your stakeholders is one of the key ingredients to becoming a successful project manager and leader. Read through the six principles below and ask yourself how you score on a scale from 1 to 10.

1. Seek first to understand before being understood
When you invest time in really understanding your stakeholders, the dynamics of the conversations and your relationships change. People become more open, receptive and more interested in what you may have to say when you actively engage and comprehend their situation. If you don’t listen properly, misunderstandings will invariably creep in and the quality of your relationships will weaken. Make every effort to really engage and understand the other person’s position. Make eye contact and ask into their feelings and opinions. Only when you fully understand their position should you speak up about your own topic and agenda.
 
2. Have empathy and think in win/win solutions
Empathy means being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and understand how they feel. View situations and responses from your stakeholder’s perspective and be committed to always finding solutions that will truly benefit all parties. The win-win idea is not based on compromise or on one of the parties giving up their position and need. It is rooted in the belief that synergies and mutual benefit can be drawn from every situation.

3. Set a good example as a project manager and leader
The quickest way to lose the respect of your stakeholders is to be a careless and unstructured project manager. On the contrary, your stakeholders will respect you for being an effective person who keeps taps on risks, issues, decisions and actions – including their own! Keep track of key decisions and hold stakeholders accountable for the activities they take on. Always turn up to meetings prepared and have the necessary information ready at hand.

4. Be honest and open about project progress 
Believe in yourself and be honest and open enough to say things the way they are. Never over-promise or feel pressurised to saying yes to unreasonable demands. Have the confidence and courage to talk openly about project issues and to ask for help when required. Your stakeholders will respect you for being honest and appreciate being given the chance to help out before the situation aggravates. You will score points for being realistic and for having your project’s interests at heart. Painting the picture rosier than it is helps no one.

5. Be proactive and take responsibility for your actions
Gain respect and admiration from your stakeholders by proactively resolving risks and issues in a resourceful way. When we are proactive we look for durable solutions and we take full responsibility for the consequences of our actions. We face the world with a can-do attitude and a mindset that we have the ability to change a situation for the better. You may have no control over what hits your project, but you do have control over how you respond.

6. Maintain a positive mental attitude 
Do your best to maintain a positive mental attitude. Be cheerful, friendly and smile. The positive energy you radiate will draw others to you and give your stakeholders the impression that you are in your comfort zone. Don’t be afraid to be funny or clever as most people are drawn to a person that can make them laugh. Use your sense of humour as an effective tool to lower barriers and gain people’s affection. Having said that, remember to always be respectful when you use humour. 

Questions for reflection

• How can you become a better listener and build better relationships?
• What can you do to be more proactive and more positive?
• In which situations to you need to get better at asking for help?

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One of the most important prerequisites for building great professional relationships with team members and stakeholders is trust. Without trust it’s impossible for a project to function effectively as people are unlikely to open up, collaborate and follow someone who they feel they can’t rely on. Trust is essential for working together. Many team members and stakeholders have specialized jobs and responsibilities and the only way to collaborate effectively is to understand each other, which is the core of trust.

For project and change managers a high-trust environment is particularly important, as the very nature of our job is to lead people through a period of high uncertainty and change. In addition we often interface with people who are more senior than us and who don’t report to us. As we can’t rely on hierarchical reporting lines to move things forward, we have to make use of our interpersonal skills and our ability to influence people in more subtle ways. If we want people to trust us and follow us, we have to make them feel safe; keep our promises and communicate with absolute clarity.

When trust is lacking people tend to pull back and withdraw rather than cooperate. They start to doubt and become cynical. Lack of trust on projects comes about when managers fail to communicate important information, deliberately withhold information or when they are not truthful, reliable or consistent. Actions speak louder than words, so if something is not appropriately done or communicated it will create barriers even if the intentions were genuine.

The four components of trust building
The good news is that there is a method for building trust – and that trust can be regained even in situations where it is lacking. It does however require time, energy and conscious effort to do so. Let’s examine the four components of how to best build trust; Competence, Honesty, Connection and Communication. 

Competence – In order for your clients and stakeholders to trust you it’s imperative that they see you as an excellent and reliable manager who knows how to get the job done. They will admire you for being an effective person who keeps taps on risks, issues, decisions and actions – and for being someone who is able to execute plans and generate the results you have promised. It almost goes without saying, but sometimes we overlook this reason for why people don’t trust us. The quickest way to lose respect is to be careless, unstructured and unreliable. To your stakeholders it will look as if you are not in control or as if you don’t care. Conversely, the quickest way to gain trust is to keep your promises and to consistently deliver a quality output.

Honesty – The second major component of trust is honesty. Many project managers are capable of excellent work but let people down unexpectedly when they come under pressure. They promise too much and trust is broken when they later have to admit that they couldn’t deliver the work they promised. Don’t fall into that trap. If you are in a situation where you feel pressurized to saying yes without wanting to, take time out and come back with an answer later. Or give small allowances by saying “we can’t do A but we can do B”. Be strong and have an open conversation with people so that they don’t expect something, which is unrealistic. Project leadership is about doing the right thing, and that sometimes means telling the unpleasant truth and saying things the way they are. In the long run your stakeholders will respect you for being realistic and for having their best interests at heart. Being overly optimistic and promising too much helps no one.

Connection – The ability to deeply connect with people, relate to them and show them that you care is a third factor in building trust. In order to connect with people, you have to see them as individuals and spend time understanding their situation. Show them that you care and that you are able to put yourself in their shoes. That is the basics of empathy; being able to view situations and responses from the other person’s perspective. It is not enough to have a superficial relationship. Real mastery and trust building comes from understanding people’s psychology; their values, beliefs and identity. A good way to get started is to become an empathetic listener and to give people your full attention. But it’s also important to share something about yourself and to show openness and willingness to cooperate.

Communication – The fourth major component in building trust is the ability to communicate clearly and effectively. Communication cannot make a person trust you if you are basically untrustworthy, but it can help create a culture in which trust can thrive. Jeff Wilcox from Lockheed Martin, said at ICCPMs 4th Annual Research and Innovation Seminar that he had never seen a project fail that did not fail as a result of poor communication. PMI’s Pulse Report, The High Cost of Low Performance, reveals that poor communication is indeed a major factor in half of all projects that fail. In order to address this you need to become a deliberate communicator. Purposefully influence the perception and behavior of the projects’ stakeholders and don’t leave anything to chance. Communicate openly, honestly and frequently and ensure that your messages are as accurate and clear as possible. 

On a scale from 1 to 10 how good are you at building trust with people who you work with? In my experience, lack of competence isn't the main reason why project and change managers struggle. They struggle because they overpromise, and because they don’t take the time to truly connect and clearly communicate with their most important stakeholders. Don't let that happen to you!