​Simply put, coaching is a way of helping others progress and resolve issues without telling them what to do. It can be a very powerful leadership style because in the process of encouraging employees to think for themselves, not only do we get access to great ideas, we also cultivate autonomy, growth and confidence. That’s what workers want. They want to be managed by someone who is interested in their ideas, has their back and invests in their development. The last thing people want is a controlling micro-manager or a boss who believes that his or her ideas and ways of working are better than everybody else’s. 
 
When you use coaching as a leadership style, you are better able to deepen your interactions, build trust and create an engaged and empowered team. Bob Nelson said that ‘you get the best effort from others not by lighting a fire beneath them, but by building a fire within’. The fire within can be stimulated by engaging with people’s ideas and by positively challenging their ways of thinking. I love the way Liz Wiseman describes it in her book ‘The Multipliers’. She says that the best leaders shift the burden of thinking to others by asking questions that challenge them, not only to think, but to rethink. 

Coaching is built on the fundamental belief that people are resourceful and can generate their own solutions. That’s especially true with team members who have prior knowledge and experience to draw from. Coaching is less appropriate with people who are junior or new in a role. Rather than challenging their level of thinking, they probably need a mentor who can show them how to do something and how to resolve the issue at hand. I use the word ‘mentor’ deliberately as it’s different to that of a coach. When you mentor someone you give advice based on your own experiences, a bit like one-2-one teaching.

It can be challenging not to give advice
When you coach you are driven by curiosity and by the desire to surface understanding and insight in the team member. That enables the team member to find their own solutions. Listening fully, and asking open questions – without layering your own solutions on top - is one of the best ways to do that. But stopping yourself from giving advice is easier said than done. In fact, it can seem counter-intuitive, as many managers feel that their job is to provide solutions, and to do it quickly. But providing the solution and telling others what to do can be very disempowering for others, even if it gets the issue resolved here and now. Your role as a leader is to help the employee deepen their understanding of the situation by asking great questions and guiding them to see what the way forward is. In that sense, coaching encourages your team to take responsibility for the changes they want to see, and to identify the steps required to realise those changes. 
 
Strengthen your listening skills
One of the biggest building blocks of coaching is to fully listen to what the employee or team member is saying, without interrupting or impatiently wanting to move on. To be an effective coach at work, you need to make use of your best listening skills, which means that you should aim to listen at Level III:

1. Level I – Internal listening – This is when you are primarily focused on your own inner voice, thoughts, feelings and opinions whilst the other person is speaking. It basically means that you’re only partially paying attention to the other person, because you’re busy listening to your own mind chatter. Most of us listen at this level most of the time. 
2. Level II – Focused listening – This is when you keep an intense focus on the other person and are paying attention to every word they say. Nothing is distracting you. When you listen at this level, the other person will feel the gift of your attention. They are more likely to open up and trust you.
3. Level III – Global listening – Believe it or not, but there is an even higher level of listening. When you listen at level III, you don’t just listen intently with your ears - you use your entire body and your intuition. You’re so tuned into the other person that you notice expressions, tone of voice, hesitations, sadness, lightness and shifts in attitude. When you listen at this level you will know intuitively what the best question is to ask next.

​
​Listening at Level III may take some practice as many of us are focused on our own internal dialogue. To hone your listening skills, begin to observe people when they speak. Be fully present and seek to hear beyond the words. Notice their body language and emotions and what they are really trying to say.
 
The GROW model provides a good framework 
One of the most popular frameworks for structuring a coaching conversation is the GROW model, which stands for Goal, Reality, Options and Will do. Even if you don’t follow the model step by step, it gives you a good understand of how you might approach the conversation and the types of questions you might ask. The model consists of four parts that you step through:

1. Goal – During a coaching conversation you first need to set the goal and understand what the problem, issue or aspiration is that you’re talking about. What would the team member like to achieve? What is the issue they are trying to resolve? You might ask: What would you like to achieve? Tell me about the issue. What does the situation look like when the problem is resolved?
2. Reality – The biggest part of the conversation will normally take place during this second step where you let the person tell their story. What is happening right now and how are they experiencing the situation? You could ask: What is the current situation? What have you already tried? What obstacles are in your way?
3. Options – At some stage when you feel you both have a good understanding of the problem and the current situation, you begin to explore options for moving forward. What could the employee do to overcome the problem and achieve their objective? Here you could ask: What could you do to resolve this? Which option is the fastest/easiest? What would you do in the ideal situation? What else?
4. Will do – Right at the end of the conversation you encourage the employee to take responsibility for the changes they want to see by asking what steps they are willing to take to move forward. Use questions such as: What action will you take? By when? What type of support do you need? How can I help? Note that it’s entirely appropriate to offer your help as long as you don’t end up doing the work for them.

 
Actively look for opportunities to coach your team
Even if you don’t remember the details of the GROW model in a given moment, you can still practice your coaching skills simply by asking more open questions and limiting the amount of advice you give. The best way to start practicing is to actively look for opportunities during day-to-day interactions, for instance when a team member asks you for advice about how to structure a client meeting. Instead of telling them how you think it should be done, coach them in the moment by asking questions that begin with what, how and who. For instance:

• What is the real purpose of the meeting?
• What outcomes would you like to get from it?
• How do you want people to feel as a result of the meeting?
• Who will be attending?
• What happened at the last meeting you attended?
• What are your thoughts about how you might structure the meeting?
• What are the advantages and disadvantages of these options?
• What is holding you back?
• What’s the real issue here?
• What do you feel is the best way forward?
• What support do you need?
• What else do you need to consider?

 
If you’re pressed for time, you might think that it’s quicker and easier to just tell people how you would like them to do something, but it’s much more rewarding for team members to identify the solution for themselves. As a result they will feel more empowered and motivated to contribute.
 
Remember to adapt your leadership style and to only use coaching when it’s appropriate. During a crisis – or when the stakes are high – it’s more effective to give clear direction. And when you are interfacing with someone who is new in their role, coaching might also not be the best approach. Other than that, it's hard to go wrong. Have a play and experiment with asking lots of open questions.

Many project managers work with me one-on-one because they would like to become better coaches. They don’t have aspirations to become an executive coach like myself, but would simply like to get better at coaching their team members. I’m thrilled about this interest as it's likely that coaching will also make them better people and leaders. That’s because as coaches we learn to engage others and to be more present during a conversation. We are better able to listen and empathise and to understand what’s important to the person we’re speaking with. I would say that coaching is a life skill, which helps us build better relationships in a working environment and life in general. 

Photo by rawpixel.com on Unsplash.

Most of us love to give advice
Many project managers – and especially those with a technical background – are experts in their field and tend to give advice more than they coach. When we give advice we go into problem-solving mode and come up with instructions and ideas for how the other person can move forward. It makes us feel great to pass on our knowledge and to help someone progress a task in an effective way.
 
But when we give advice we don’t empower people to grow and to find their own answers. We are effectively imposing our solution to their problem, which isn’t an effective way to get the other person to take ownership. Telling others what to do is appropriate when we’re talking about a straightforward task. For instance, if a team member asks you where the latest status report is, tell them! The same applies during a crisis. If the building is burning, tell people to get out! But if a team member is looking for guidance on how to conduct a meeting, how to approach a stakeholder or what their next career move should be, it’s an opportunity to enter into a coaching conversation.  

Ask open questions
If coaching isn’t about giving advice, then what is it? It’s about helping the person in front of you to see a given situation in a clearer light so that they feel empowered to take the next steps. This means that the person you’re coaching gains a better understanding of what the real problem is, what the options are for solving the problem and what action they can take to overcome it. The way in which you can help a team member gain this insight is to ask lots of open questions:
 
Could you tell me more about the issue?
What do you feel is wrong?
What would you like to achieve?
What have you already tried?
What else?
What worked? What didn’t work?
What steps can we take to change this?
Which option would be fastest/easiest?
What will you do right now?
 
As you can see you effectively switch mode from telling to asking and listening. The listening part is important, as it enables you to really grasp the situation and see it from the other person’s point of view.
 
Let’s imagine that your team member asks you how to run a working group meeting. Instead of telling him how you would do it, bounce back the question by asking: What would you like the outcome of this meeting to be? What was discussed at the last meeting? What ideas do you have? What else? The conversation may last a bit longer than if you had simply given the team member instructions, but the outcome is likely to be far more rewarding and effective for both of you.
 
Begin to practice every day
The best way to become a better coach is to practice as often as you can. Coaching isn’t just a tool you should use for the big conversations. It’s a way of life – a leadership style, which you can use in most situations. When people ask you for advice see it as a coaching opportunity and resist the temptation of telling them what to do. Give people your full attention. Listen at the highest possible level and ask open questions that shed light on the topic. Can you explain the situation in more detail? What’s the real challenge for you here? How can I help? Ask “how” and “what” questions and avoid asking “why”. Why often makes people feel defensive, which defeats the purpose of a coaching conversation.
 
If you have a tendency to interrupt people, try to put your tongue “on pause”. You do this by drawing you tongue backwards so that it neither touches the upper part, nor the lower part of your mouth. Try it now! Let your tongue hover in the middle of your mouth. What you’ll find is that you’ll be less likely to speak as your tongue is now in a neutral position.
 
If you’re interested in learning more about coaching skills in a professional environment, check out John Whitmore’s book: Coaching for Performance.
 

I recently read The Coaching Habit – a great little book about how we can get better at asking questions rather than simply offering up advice. The book makes a case for seven essential questions and it made me reconsider what my own preferred questions are.

Managers and leaders need to become better coaches 
I fully buy into the philosophy that managers and leaders need to become better coaches (and not use a megaphone as the above picture suggests). Many managers still fall into the trap of telling others what to do rather than asking simple questions. I experience this all the time. One example is when a project manager needs to give direction about work that has to get done. In most cases the PM will tell the team what to do and give them detailed instructions. Rarely does the project manager enter a conversation where they predominantly ask questions to validate assumptions, engage the team and understand their ideas or points of view. Such questions could be: How would you resolve this task? What do you believe a good outcome looks like? What questions do you have? How often should we check in with each other? What do you need from me?
 
As time is short, we believe that telling others what to do is the most effective approach. Giving others the answer boosts the ego and makes us feel that we’re contributing with our knowledge. If we’re simply asking questions, are we then doing any real work? Leadership, of course, is about inspiring and empowering people to find their own way. Not just giving instructions. When we ask great questions, not only do we open up the conversation, we make people feel that their contributions and ideas matter. That’s the starting point for creating engagement and high performance.
 
Another example from my coaching, which illustrates how poor we are at asking questions, is when a person describes a situation they are trying to figure out. This could be how to communicate better with a stakeholder, motivate a team member or delegate to them. But when I ask my coachee if they have had a conversation with the other person – and asked them directly – the answer is often that they haven’t. What is it that makes it so hard for us to ask: how would you like me to communicate with you? What would you like more of/less of in your job? How much direction do you need from me?
​
What does a good question look like?
If you ask your team: do you agree with what I just said? Or, why did you not complete the assignment I gave you? These questions wouldn't quality as good ones because they’re closed yes/no questions and because they come across as accusational. Good questions are open and often begin with what or how. They open up a conversation, make the other person reflect and reframe a situation.
 
In The Coaching Habit, the author writes about seven questions that he feels are essential:
 
What’s on your mind?
And what else?
What’s the real challenge for you here?
What do you want?
How can I help?
If you’re saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?
What was most useful for you?
 
Out of those questions, my preferred one is the third: What’s the real challenge for you here?  This question cuts to the bone and helps make sure that we’re talking about the real problem, not just the one presented at the surface. People often get into lengthy explanations, and you’re not sure where to start. When you ask the focus question they will pause and think, and almost always be able to answer what the real challenge is for them.
 
One of my own favourites questions is: How are you feeling? In the right situation, this question has the potential to transform a conversation and a relationship. In a professional context we mostly talk about what we think, not how we feel. But as we’re all driven by emotions, being able to tap into how someone is feeling will help you build trust and have more meaningful conversations.
 
What is your favourite question?


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​Coaching is one of the most powerful tools that can help project managers develop into great leaders. There are many different ways in which coaching can be used in a project management context. Let’s look at three of them. 

1. Make use of professional coaches
One of the easiest ways to use coaching to drive better project delivery is to allow each project manager to work with a dedicated coach. Someone who is professionally trained and who can help the individual project manager to better lead their projects. The professional coach would typically talk through the projects with the project manager and understand where they most need assistance. A coach can help the PM develop better relationships with stakeholders, communicate more effectively and improve the way they lead the team. Many issues on a project relate to soft skills and being able to mediate, negotiate and have crucial conversations. In these situations coaching comes in handy because it helps people reflect and approach a situation differently. Coaching is less suited to train people in hard skills. It would be better to send them on a workshop or a training course if they need to learn about planning and estimation.
 
2. Teach your project managers to coach
Another option – which has further reaching benefits – is to teach each project manager how to coach their own teams in a way that’s empowering and motivating. Many project managers use a task-oriented and directive approach with their team. They are good at solving problems, providing answers and telling others what to do. Whereas this directive approach can work well with junior staff, it has a disengaging effect on senior team members who are highly skilled. What they need is a sounding board more than a boss, who tells them what to do. They need a manager who listens to them and helps them reflect on how to move forward. When project managers learn to use coaching as a leadership style, not only do they empower people to think for themselves, they also shift responsibility onto the team. They do that by asking insightful questions that encourage the team to come forward and fill in the blanks.
 
3. Have PMs support each other with peer-to-peer coaching
A third option – which builds on the previous one – is to pair up the project managers so that they can coach each other across projects. This is an extremely powerful and sustainable option that not only helps the individual PM to better manage their projects. It also builds long-lasting friendships and a support network. Being a project manager can be lonely – not least for PMs who are working on client site. With peer-to-peer coaching each person is given a safe space to share and discuss the most difficult situations on their project. They benefit from the insights of another experienced project manager and of course they get to practice their own coaching skills. A natural way to create the pairing would be at the back of a classroom workshop where the PMs have had a chance to interact each other. Forcing people to work in pairs where there is little rapport won’t work.
 
Conclusion
When we integrate coaching into the way we run projects, we can expect the project managers to gain better leadership and emotional intelligence skills. Relationships will improve and individual team members will feel more empowered and responsible for the outcome of the project. A good way to get started is to enrol the project managers in a workshop where they get to practice their coaching skills and pair up with other PMs who they can start to peer coach. And lastly, remember to give people access to a professional coach who they can work with in confidence.


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I often come across managers who say that they would like to develop their team members’ skills – but that they struggle to find the time to do so. Ideally they would like to have one-to-one sessions with people, teaching them not only business and management skills, but also presentation skills and increasing their confidence in the process. But in spite of the good intentions nothing tends to happen because the approach is too time intensive. 

So why not try a different method, which is less demanding in terms of your time and that may even produce better results? And no, I’m not talking about an outsourced model where you send your team on a training course. I’m talking about small group development.
 
Let’s say you have a team of three who you’d like to train and mentor. You would like to grow their managerial skills and their ability to analyze and confidently present a topic. Here’s what you do. Instead of spending time with each person individually, set out a development plan for the entire group outlining the topics that will be covered, e.g. planning, negotiating, interviewing, etc. along with specific business themes. Depending on how quickly you want to grow the team’s skills, you could choose a weekly topic or one every fortnight. Monthly development meetings might be too infrequent if you want the idea to gain sufficient traction.  
 
After you have decided on a schedule of topics, ask one of the team members to work on the first one. Let’s say the topic is risk management. Ask her to prepare a short 10 minute presentation on the topic with the aid of three to four slides. Ask her to consider an example of a good risk management approach and one example of a bad approach and to explain her reasoning. As she comes to present the topic some weeks later to yourself and the other two team members, not only will she have learnt a great deal about risk management, she will also get the opportunity to practice her communication and presentation skills in a safe environment.
 
Your role during the presentation is to fully listen, to be supportive and to provide constructive feedback along with the other attendees. It’s important that none of you are overly critical, as that can have a negative impact on people's confidence. First tell the presenter what you really liked (content, presentation, style etc.). Then give her one or two suggestions for improvements. Other attendees do the same. We call this for layered or sandwiched feedback. You can then go into a deeper conversation about the topic and share any additional insights.
 
As the weeks pass, ask the team members to take turn presenting a topic and to use different media to do so. Sometimes the meetings may be face to face, and at other times they may be via a recorded webinar that can be played back and looked at. You might even ask the presenter to publish a short 600-word blog post about their topics afterwards (that's the approximate length of this post). I'm sure that will boost your team member's confidence if you provide them with the support they need.
 
Little by little, your team will come to use this development forum as a safe place to learn and explore and a place where they can practice their presentation and influencing skills. Not only that, the forum will also increase camaraderie and trust between you whist requiring relatively little time from your side. You do of course need to provide the team with your undivided attention during the meetings and to be committed to the programme without cancelling or postponing meetings. But the bulk of the effort remains with the team members, as they are the ones researching the topics whilst benefitting from your knowledge and feedback.
 
What do you think? Are you willing to give it a go?

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If you are a regular reader of my blog, or have attended one of my talks, you will know that I always encourage people to grow and develop; to try new ways and to be the best that they can be. That implicitly means stepping outside of their comfort zone for a moment and trying a new technique or stretching themselves in a way in which they haven’t been stretched before. For some this is a welcome opportunity to experiment and learn something new. For others it’s something they’re not very comfortable with because it’s unknown and unfamiliar. 

Our need for certainty
How we react to external events is to a large extent determined by our basic human needs and their relative order of importance to us. To many people, the need for certainty and security is dominant, and far outweighs the need for uncertainty, growth and variety. When that happens we become control freaks who cling onto that which is known. We’re ok doing something new as long as someone guarantees us that it will work! But when there is too much risk we shy away. Just think about it for a moment. Have you ever let fear or discomfort hold you back from doing something exciting because it introduced more uncertainty than you were comfortable with – for instance in relation to a job opening or an opportunity to present to an audience?  
 
The obvious issue with our need for certainly and security is that it hinders our development and slows down our progress. We use it as an excuse to not try something. How often have you read a book or listened to a presentation which contained some great ideas, but you never implemented them because they seemed too different to what you were used to?

The project manager who was fearful of change
I recently coached a project manager who was bored in his job. He said that it contained no stretch or development opportunity and that he was only working at 60% of his capacity. He wanted to progress into a more senior position, and knew that he had to find a new job in order to do so. But in spite of logically knowing that he needed to move on, he said that he wasn’t going to. He valued the security and his manager’s support in him too much. He knew that he could earn as much in another role but he was uncomfortable with the risk of not being paid for a couple of weeks in between jobs. This project manager felt torn between his need for certainty and his need for growth and variety. It was only when we had an in-depth conversation about his fears that he realised how much he had allowed his need for certainty and stability to control his choices.
 
In order to progress and achieve that which we want we have to try new things, take risks and expand our comfort zone. We don’t have to do it in a big and scary way. We can take small steps each day which gradually stretch us and move us in the right direction. And remember, that it’s normal to feel uncomfortable when you’re doing something you’re not used it. Discomfort can be a good sign; a sign that you are developing and growing. Don’t let discomfort deter you. Let it motivate you and inspire you to take action.

What is the next step for you? 
The question is how you are going to use this in your own life. What are the items that are firmly outside of your own comfort zone and you know that if you were to master them it would make a big difference to your personal and professional life? Maybe giving a presentation is outside of your comfort zone; dealing with conflict; improvising; or asking for feedback. I would like you to think about one item in particular which you feel would make the biggest positive difference to your professional achievements if you were to master it. Please write it down.

Now I would like you to close your eyes for a moment and imagine that you have conquered the very thing which is outside of your comfort zone. See yourself doing it, imagine it in your mind’s eye and feel how good it feels to finally master it. Feel how strong you are and imagine what you will be doing, feeling and hearing once you master it. The beauty about expanding your comfort zone, and doing the things you want in spite of feeling uncomfortable, is that your confidence will grow exponentially. You will get a boost of energy and an appetite for continuing to grow.

So my invitation to you is to first and foremost ponder on how much you allow your need for certainty and stability to control your choices. Secondly I encourage you to expand your comfort zone step by step, and to let your steady growth and progression provide you the certainly you need rather than having to cling on to the old ways. 
 

Please contribute with your own comments and stories by leaving a reply
below.


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I still remember the first time I was coached. I was on a 5-day leadership course which helped us assess, expand and refine the leadership styles we were each using. To support this process everyone was assigned a personal coach who would help us resolve any issues which were impeding on our abilities to lead effectively. The topic I chose for the coaching session was the extremely long hours I put in at work. At this point in my career I was running a large project in financial services. I felt that everything depended on me and that I personally had to oversee (meaning micromanage) every aspect of the project. Needless to say that I felt exhausted and that my approach wasn’t the most effective!

My first coaching session was nothing short of revolutionary! I still remember the AHA moment it created as I realised exactly how much power I had over the choices I make, how I handle situations, and over my own career! I felt enlightened and empowered as I set out to improve my management and leadership style and in turn increase my performance and wellbeing as a project manager.

There are many such stories which illustrate the power of coaching. Through only a few one-on-one coaching sessions you can gain clarity over a topic or an issue which you have been struggling with for months. It’s interesting how it works really. It’s as if someone is holding up a large mirror in front of you where all your habits, fears, excuses, ambitions and talents are being reflected back to you so that you see yourself – and your situation – in a much clearer light. It’s personal and professional development on steroids!

As project managers we rarely work with other PMs who can give us instant feedback – and most of the training we receive is focused on hard skills and improving our knowledge. Gaining knowledge is good, but it won’t make us better leaders or excellent project managers. We need to work with someone who can pinpoint the exact changes we need to make at a personal level in order to excel and make rapid progress. Some are lucky to have that in their managers, but unfortunately not everyone has the fortune of working for a brilliant boss!

So how can you start to tap into the power of coaching and benefit from it?

1. Work with a professional coach
Working with a professional coach will stretch and challenge you to think deeper and take action towards the things you desire. Your coach will help you address immediate concerns; for instance relating to missed deadlines, a disengaged team, unhappy stakeholders, or a feeling of overwhelm and lack of achievement. A coach will also help identify your medium to long term aspirations, put together a plan of action and assist you in moving closer to your goals. This could relate to becoming a better project manager and leader, getting a promotion, or finding more joy and satisfaction in your work. I once worked with a gentleman who got the largest pay rise of his career after I coached him. What an awesome result for both of us!

2. Find a mentor
A mentoring relationship can be a good alternative to a professional coach, especially if you are looking to gain specific skills or advance within a particular organisation. You can approach a senior colleague within your firm or industry who you trust and admire. Choose someone who has made a few mistakes, so that you can learn from them. Before you start the mentoring relationship, think carefully about what you want to get out of it and prepare for each session. It’s important to recognise that your mentor’s time and resources are precious. 

3. Adopt a coaching mindset
When you have a coaching mindset it means that you get in the habit of setting and achieving goals, and that you build up momentum on a daily basis. It means that you keep an open and inquisitive mind and that you are being proactive with regards to the things you want. This type of self-coaching is useful in combination with a good coaching or leadership book that can help guide you. Read as many inspirational books as you can, attend motivational talks and listen to uplifting podcasts. Find a friend to work with who can serve as an accountability buddy – someone who you trust and who would also like to adopt a can-do attitude and achieve the things they dream of.
 
3. Ask insightful questions
Asking quality questions, and taking the time to act upon the answers, can have a tremendous impact on your career. Set time aside on a regular basis to take a step back from it all. Go to a place you really enjoy, maybe a park or a café, and enquire about the following:

Where do I see myself heading? What steps can I take to move in that direction?

What would make my job as a project manager more fulfilling? What can I do to influence this?

What keeps me awake at night? Which risks and issues could jeopardise the success of my project? What can I do about it?

How can I instantly start to add more value to the project and my client? If any roadblocks are in my way, what can I proactively do to remove them? 

Who can I start to train and delegate to, so that I free up time to focus on the activities that really matter?

What can I do to improve my relationship with my key clients and  stakeholders?

How can I better motivate and utilise the strengths of my team members? 

For more questions, please read this blog. 


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