I recently co-facilitated a leadership programme for a group of senior project and programme managers. During the programme we explored the participant’s personalities and leadership styles from various angles. One of the exercises we took them through – which was a real eye-opener to many – was to draw parallels between the events that had happened in their lives and the behaviors they displayed as leaders.

Understanding how the events of our lives have shaped our work is an important step in increasing our self-awareness. We don't show up as one person at home and another person at work. We have one integrated personality. Our core values and beliefs come from our life and education and we bring those beliefs to our work. If we want to change how we show up as project mangers and leaders we first have to understand what our values and beliefs are and where they come from.
 
Whose love did you crave the most growing up?
I would like you to take a deep breath and consider a very personal question for a moment: “Whose love did you crave the most growing up? Your mum’s or your dad’s?” Take a little time to reflect on it before moving on. Did you crave your mum’s or you dad’s attention the most? Now consider the next question: “Who did you have to be for your mum or dad?” I.e. what did you have to do to gain that person’s love and affection?
 
The patterns we develop as children follow us long into adult life. Some people are pleasers. They have difficulties setting boundaries, saying no, and expressing their needs. They are good at accommodating and serving others. This is normally a pattern that was developed in childhood. It’s likely that this person had to be unselfish in order to obtain the love and acceptance of a parent. If this pattern is descriptive of you, begin to set small boundaries at work where the implications aren’t too big – for instance regarding which meetings you can and cannot attend. Then it will be easier for you to say no when you really have to.
 
Another example is someone who is a perfectionist in everything that they do and who expect others to work to the same high standards. Again, it’s likely that this behaviour stems from their upbringing. Perhaps they had to be the A-student and do their homework exceptionally well in order to be accepted by their parent.
 
Some of the belies from my own life that I have carried into my work is that laziness is a bad thing. As a child I always had to help out at home and not take it too easy. In my work today I’m very productive and almost feel guilty when I take a break. I need to get better at allowing myself – and people who work with me – to chill out a bit.

Authenticity is a fundamental building block in project leadership. Leadership doesn’t come from emulating others or from blindly following a set of rules. It comes from a deeply personal approach which is rooted in who you are as a person. Being authentic is about truly knowing yourself and what you believe in. It’s about being the person you know in your heart that you have always been destined to be. When you know what you stand for it is much easier to do the right thing in any given situation and to intuitively lead others. That is when you have the potential to be the best version of you.

Authentic project leaders are people with extraordinary integrity who are willing to live by their core values. They have a strong sense of purpose and understand the motives that drive them. This is an insight they have developed through introspection, observation, feedback and years of experience. It is an insight which helps them stay grounded and be guided to make the right decisions. If you don’t understand what the purpose of your leadership is, and what you big “why” is, you will be easily influenced – not just by external events and other people’s opinions – but also by your own emotions and impulses. That means that you will find it harder to act with integrity when the pressure is on, and that your decision-making may suffer as a result.

The true test of authenticity is not what you say you will do, but how you actually behave. This is especially true when you are under pressure, as your true values will emerge when things aren’t going your way. If you aren’t acting with integrity in those situations – by not living up to the values you professed – trust is broken and not easily regained. Being truly authentic means that your actions reflect your core values and that your purpose is aligned to those values. It means that there is harmony between what you think and feel on the one hand and what you say and do on the other.

When you are comfortable with who you are, and when you are able to use your inner guidance system to inform you about what is right and what is wrong, it will be easier to make the best decisions even if they are not popular. You will instinctively know when to step in and when not to; when to accept something and when to push back. You will have the confidence to stand up for yourself and your project and to protect your team from unnecessary noise. But not least, you will have the desire to be true to your client’s long-term vision (even when your client is not) and to deliver the project’s outcomes and benefits in the most cost-effective and sustainable manner. When you have the courage to rely on your inner guidance system you will be better able to serve your client and to build stronger interpersonal relationships because your actions will be congruent and consistent. People will respect you and want to follow you because you are honest, strong and reliable. 

Authentic project leaders have a genuine desire to serve their client and to enable others to make a difference more than they are interested in power, money or prestige for themselves. They have a clear view of what their client’s true needs are and they seek to fulfil them with utmost care and judgment. We could say that authentic project leaders are givers who seek to empower people to contribute to the client’s bigger vision. The opposite are takers who tend to take out as much as they can from their surroundings. They have a big need for feeling significant and fulfill this need by serving themselves. These people often view situations, colleagues and subordinates as a means to gain greater power, money, and recognition. 

But the goal of authentic project leaders is not to serve themselves at the expense of others. Rather than being steered by self-enhancement values, they are primarily driven by self-transcendent values linked to growth, contribution and connection. They gain satisfaction from contributing to a cause greater than themselves, from continuously learning, empowering others and from knowing that they are doing the right thing. For that reason they don’t play favourites or engage in dishonest politics as that would undermine trust and collaboration and their core values. They have a genuine and honest approach to their work and attempt to be transparent and open about a situation. When things go well they look out of the window and let others take credit. When things go wrong the look in the mirror and take responsibility. 

I would like to finish with some thoughtful words from Camila Batmanghelidjh, the founder of Kids Company. In an interview with the APM, she says ‘if you’re a project manager, provide for quality and truth, and success will come on the back of that. If you just go for success on its own, it won’t work. There is an attitude of success being the end goal in everything whereas, actually, I think integrity is the most important thing. If you have integrity the outcome is success. What I would like project managers to be able to do is to face truth, stare it in the eye and then operate by it.’



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