I’ve just released my third book, How to Do the Inner Work – A Guide to Self-Discovery, Empowerment and Emotional Healing. But what does it mean to do the inner work and what are the benefits? 
 
In essence, doing the inner work means that if you’re stuck and want something to change, your first point of call is to work with your internal world of thoughts, beliefs, emotions, body and breath, before seeking to change something external to you.  
 
If you only look for the answer to your problems outside yourself, you can get locked into a reactive and defensive mode of relating. Whereas instinctive reactions aren’t wrong, they keep you small and don’t address the root of your problems. 

​For example, you might feel frustrated and overreact because someone you rely on hasn’t done what they said they would. You send an angry email to a co-worker blaming them for a late delivery. Or you start looking for a new job because you didn’t get the promotion you were hoping for. 
 
These examples relate to work, but we could easily come up with personal examples too. The patterns are the same. We react based on an emotional trigger, which can make matters worse. Not only that, we get into a downward spiral of negative thoughts causing us to accumulate stress and tension beyond what is healthy. 
 
In another example you feel stressed and overworked. You have high standards, find it hard to delegate and don’t want to overburden your team. You thrive on praise from your managers, which makes it hard to say no to extra work. You secretly blame others for your situation and think to yourself “if only my workload would diminish, then I’d be happy. If only my team members had more capacity and were better skilled, then my stresses would melt away.”
 
Fixing your problems in the external world will give you temporary relief, but shifting them once and for all requires you to investigate which part of your programming is getting in your way. Do you believe for instance, that your self-worth is linked to how much you achieve at work? Do you believe that other people’s needs are more important than your own? And what do you do with the emotions that arise when you feel you’re not in control? 
 
When we uncover the beliefs that are running us, and learn to question them, we can change our perception and our situation quicker than we think. I know that to be true. I was once an overworked manager who found it hard to self-regulate in emotionally challenging situations. Until we dare to question our operating system, we will continue to feel stuck and overwhelmed. 
 
Doing the inner work can help us acknowledge how we feel, and shift our perspective so that we can take the right kind of action. Spending time uncovering our true desires, as well as our painful thoughts and emotions, is essential if we want to create healthier ways of relating to ourselves and the world.
 
If you feel curious and would like to go on an inner journey of growth and self-discovery, get the book or listen to it on audible. It will give you profound insights into your needs, behaviours, thinking patterns, and emotions so that you can reduce stress and infuse more joy and meaning into your life.

“This is a major, well-written and inspirational contribution to the science of emotional healing and self-discovery. Truly a self-help tool in a league of its own. A most needed beacon of light in the dark.”  ​-Lars Muhl, author of The O Manuscrip

Severe stress that leads to sickness and burnout is a growing issue in organisations. With the ‘always-on’ work culture and fewer people employed to get work done, many stretch themselves to the point where their body and mind can no longer cope. A recent study of 382,000 employees, revealed that the discussion of burnout amongst UK workers is up 48 percent. And a report from Westfield Health, shows that 51 percent of people surveyed believe they’re less than a month away from burnout. Unfortunately, as shocking as these figures are, they correspond to my own experience. In my coaching practice up to 50 percent of the people I work with, have an unhealthy work/life balance, and many suffer with physical, mental or emotional symptoms.

​Chronic stress is dangerous
Chronic stress is a dangerous condition that must be addressed before it leads to burnout or other serious illnesses. When we’re chronically stressed, our body is in a constant state of fight or flight with little ability to rest and recovery. This kind of prolonged stress is harmful and very different to the short bursts of stress, that help us rise to a challenge and perform at our best. We’re built to handle stress as long as it’s intermittent. Trying to avoid stress isn’t possible, nor is it advisable. The trick is to build in sufficient time to recover. As soon as a stressful event is over, we’re meant to relax so that our body and mind can rest and build back strength.
 
Sadly, people often aren’t able to detect that they suffer from prolonged stress, even if it’s obvious to others. That’s because they become used to the high levels of adrenaline and get addicted to the buzz it creates. To make matters worse, many dismiss their aches and pains. They don’t want to show weakness and they tell themselves, that their ailments are normal. But if we want to avoid burnout, we have to take the warning signs seriously. That includes symptoms as diverse as memory problems, insomnia, frequent colds, impatience and not being able to sit still without fidgeting or checking the phone. If someone is overly anxious or can’t relax during a holiday or on a Sunday afternoon, it’s a warning sign that should not be ignored. 
 
Unhelpful beliefs are at the root of stress
Chronic stress is often caused by a combination of external and internal factors. External factors can relate to an excessive workload, unrealistic deadlines or a company culture that expects employees to work overtime. But external factors are never the root cause of why someone ends up chronically stressed. Internal factors, in the form of unhelpful beliefs and behaviours on the part of the employee, play a crucial role. It could be, for instance, that the individual has difficulties saying no, because they’re motivated by an unhealthy need to be seen and validated. It’s also possible that they drive themselves too hard because they’re addicted to being in control and can’t let go of the detail.
 
This is not to say that the organisation is innocent. Managers have to take responsibility for aggressive deadlines and for expecting staff to work overtime to meet them. At the same time, the individual has to understand why they are prone to stress and why they have difficulties setting boundaries and prioritising their own needs. A good question to ask, is under what circumstances they would be able to approach themselves with more softness and compassion.
 
Type A personalities are more prone to burn-out
People who are the most likely to burn out are type A personalities, perfectionists and people-pleasers. Whilst type A personalities are results-oriented, energetic and feel that they are able to deal with anything, people-pleasers are driven by the desire to not let others down. In a work-environment these types are highly sought after because they get things done and are keen to meet or exceed expectations. But although their work-ethic can be gratifying, it will take a toll over time, and it can put undue pressure on others.
 
To avoid burnout, type A personalities would benefit from scaling back their goal-orientation and letting go of unrealistic expectations. When someone is too achievement-oriented, and measure their successes in terms of completed projects or milestones, they become overly attached to the outcome. A more fulfilling way to approach work and life would be to enjoy the journey, and to build sound relationships that can be nurtured on a day-to-day basis. Opening up, showing vulnerability and being genuinely interested in others can be a much better stress buster than many wellness programmes. 
 
Learning to set healthy boundaries
Everyone has a different level of energy and a different threshold for how much pressure they can handle. It’s also true, that whilst specific activities tend to drain some people, others find them energising. To avoid burnout, employees have to be honest with themselves about their limitations and take them seriously. A good place to start is to reflect on the activities they tend to find draining during an average week, and the activities give them energy. The equation has to stack up. Burnout happens when a person spends more energy than they gain for a prolonged period of time. When I did this exercise many years ago, I came to the conclusion that during the week, my energy levels were fine up until 6pm. At that point I would usually spend an extra hour at the office responding to emails before going home. It was this last hour that drained me. Once I realised that, I restructured my day so that I didn’t end up drained. Staying on the healthy side of stress, however, isn’t just about someone’s behaviour at work. Many tend to also overcommit themselves in their private life. Either way, the first step in making a lasting change is to become self-aware and being willing to listen to the signals from within the body.
 
Become a mindful observer
Self-awareness also plays a crucial role in helping employees manage their emotions when their stress hormones begin to rise. Being self-aware gives them the ability to become mindful observers of their thoughts and feelings without attaching too much judgement to them. As they observe themselves from the outside, they’re better able to put things in perspective and regulate their emotions before they take over. Failing to do that could result in someone becoming disproportionally emotional and overreacting. Perhaps they get overly sad or anxious, or they say and do things which they later regret. 
 
To build this kind of awareness, employees will have to pause, relax their tense muscles, and take a few deep breaths the moment they start to feel triggered. Remembering to pause, relax and breathe may be counterintuitive, but it’s the only thing that can truly help someone to manage their emotional reactions. Instead of reverting to a knee-jerk reaction, the employee waits for their emotions to stabilise before responding. Not only will this help them to manage their stress response, it also puts them in a much better position to think clearly about the action they want to take. 


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I have previously written about stress and I have also shared my own story about how I managed to free myself from stress. I know from the feedback I have received, and the work I do with project managers, that feeling confident and at ease is an on-going challenge. We work in hectic environments and are at times just getting by – trying to keep the client happy, staying on top of our inbox and avoiding conflict. Wellbeing is not the word that springs to mind when we think of project management. Wellbeing is something we may focus on in our spare time to recover and get back to balance. 

​But what would it take if we really wanted to feel better whilst working on our projects? Dr. Richard Davidson, the founder of the Centre for Healthy Minds, claim that wellbeing is a skill we can all learn and that the effects can be observed in the mind. All it takes is practice. The more we practice the more we will strengthen those circuits in the brain that promote higher levels of wellbeing.
 
Let’s examine the four ingredients that lead to wellbeing.
 
Resilience
The first ingredient, resilience, is the ability to bounce back and recover from stress and adversity. In other words, it’s the speed at which we recover from unexpected changes and difficult situations. Some people recover slowly and other people recover more quickly. It turns out that scientists can measure the time it takes for our brain to bounce back and that this time span is critical for understanding resilience. Individuals who show a more rapid recovery have higher levels of wellbeing. They are in many ways protected from stress and the many unexpected events that happen on a project.
 
To strengthen your resilience, train yourself to see the opportunities in every situation. Projects are dynamic with risks and issues popping up on a daily basis. The more you resist and fight against them the more prolonged your stress response will be. Instead, accept that changes and problems are inevitable, even with the best risk management approach. When a problem occurs, do what you can to resolve it without getting caught up in a negative emotional spiral. Reframe the situation and see the positive angles. There are always opportunities to grow and learn from adversity, we just need to train ourselves to see it. Some of my biggest personal transformations came from the biggest challenges on my project.
 
To bounce back and recover from an unpleasant piece of news, first become aware of the physical impact on your body. Your heart rate will increase and your palms may get sweaty. At this moment, don’t panic or start to give orders. Instead, pause and take a deep breath. In fact, take three deep breaths and let go of the negativity and the urge to react. From that place not only will you feel better, you will also be in a better position to make rational and intelligent choices about how to resolve the situation.
 
Positive outlook
The second ingredient that leads to higher levels of wellbeing is to have a positive outlook. In this context a positive outlook is the ability to see the positive in other people. It’s the ability to acknowledge team members as human beings and to recognise that they have qualities of innate basic goodness. People who suffer from depression show very little activity in this part of the brain. The good news is that with just two weeks of loving-kindness meditation this part of the brain will get stronger. All it takes is 30 minutes of daily practice where you meditate on feeling love and compassion towards others.
 
To get started, download a meditation app that can guide you through a loving-kindness meditation. This type of meditation is one where you send kind feelings towards people around you. Initially spend just 5 or 10 minutes focusing on feeling love and kindness towards family members and friends who you hold dear. As the days pass expand the mediation to 20 or 30 minutes and begin to incorporate people within your project environment. Focus on your team members, clients and stakeholders. Take them into your heart and send them loving kindness too. This is a very powerful exercise, which not only will bring you more wellbeing but also help transform your interpersonal relationship and the atmosphere on your project.
 
Attention
The third element, attention, is about being mindful of the work you are doing and to not let your mind wander. A wondering mind is an unhappy mind. Scientists claim that on average 47% of an adult’s waking time is spent not paying attention to what they are doing. In a project environment you can work with this element by being present and by simply showing up. If you’re in a meeting, be present and pay attention to what other people are saying. Don’t check your phone or drift off. If you’re on a conference call, be fully present and decide not to check your emails whilst you’re on the phone. When a team member speaks to you, give them your full attention and deeply listen to what they are saying. When you eat lunch or walk through the building be mindful of your surrounding and the food you're eating.

To get started, examine your diary and your upcoming week. Make a note of the meetings you need to attend and the most important tasks you need to complete. Block out time in your diary for these important tasks so that you can dedicate your full attention to them. On a busy project you need to be available to support your team and won’t be able to block out the entire day. Your best bet is to set 90 minutes aside in the beginning of the day where you can work single-mindedly on your most important and difficult tasks. Tell your colleagues that you would like to not get interrupted during this time or find a quiet meeting room. If your mind wanders, bring it back and remind yourself that the more attention you give to this present moment the higher your level of wellbeing.
 
Generosity
The fourth ingredient that leads to higher levels of wellbeing is generosity.  The more you engage in generous and altruistic behaviour the more you will activate circuits in the brain that are key to wellbeing. Luckily there are many things you can do on your project to be generous: Lend a helping hand to a colleague who is struggling with a challenging task, treat a team member to a coffee, mentor or coach a younger member of staff, give well-deserved compliments to your colleagues, volunteer to organise the next team event, or give back to the project management community by sharing your knowledge.  Make a decision to nurture your working relationships by carrying out just one random act of kindness every day. Just imagine the positive effect you would have on your project.
 
In summary, wellbeing is a skill that can be learnt and that we should all take responsibility for. Make an effort to be more present and mindful on your project. Cultivate a positive outlook by seeing opportunities in every situation. Be more generous and send loving kindness to your team members and stakeholders.
 
 
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​Years ago my mind and my body were full of stress. I was running a large business-critical programme and I was petrified of failing. I had never run a project with almost 50 people on it before and a project that had so much attention from senior management. Of course I was also acutely aware that the three project managers that had preceded me had all been fired! 

After two years of hard work the programme was delivered successfully and luckily I didn’t get fired! On the contrary! I was proud of our achievements and happy that I’d made some good friends in the process too. But my determination to work hard and to deliver all the benefits to the business had taken its toll. I had difficulties sleeping and my body was infested with stress. It all became very real when I had to use a walking stick to ease the pressure on my left foot. I had put too much pressure on it during my dancing lessons and it was badly inflamed. I was forced to give up dancing and could barely walk. I was devastated and felt debilitated at an age of 35! I didn't like it and I didn't understand why it had happened. After all I was a good person trying to do good: delivering important projects and having some fun with my dancing.
 
It wasn’t until much later that I realized what a blessing in disguise this was. My inflamed foot forced me to slow down and make some very important changes to the way I lived my life. My journey back to full health and vitality didn’t happen overnight as it required more than simply changing a few habits. It was only by changing some of my underlying beliefs that I could make profound and long lasting changes. A decade later I can honestly say that I lead a much more rewarding and balanced life.
 
I started leaving the office at 6pm
One of the beliefs that I had at the time was that in order to be a good project manager I had to work as hard as possible. When I worked late I achieved a lot and it made me feel good that I had given everything I could. But by giving so much of my energy to my project I slowly depleted my batteries. My new belief was that good project managers work smarter, not harder. They make good use of their team and don’t spend their evenings in the office. It was initially difficult for me to get up and leave at 6pm, but over time it became easier.
 
I got better at asking for help
Before my near-burn-out I was proud of doing as much of the work as possible on my own. I felt I ought to. But on a large project there’s a lot to keep track of and it’s near impossible to do without assistance. I did eventually ask for help – initially reluctantly – and a brilliant project administrator got allocated to my project. What a difference that made! She helped keep track of the many work-streams and stayed on top of the financials. This freed me up to keep an eye on the bigger picture and build stronger relationships with the stakeholders. It also meant that it got easier to leave at 6pm.
 
I took a mini sabbatical
Taking a sabbatical had a transformational effect on me. After the delivery of the business-critical project I decided to take three months off and travel through India. As my sabbatical came closer, the financial crisis of 2008 hit and I shortened my break to six weeks. I was afraid that I’d make myself redundant by being out of sight for too long. Luckily six weeks was still long enough that I could take a step back and give my body a chance to recover. I had a lot of fun in India travelling from south to the north in one epic train journey. I also spent time in an ashram where I met people who later became some of my closest friends. Going to India was something I did for myself – not something I felt I should do or was expected to. It was liberating and I came back feeling rejuvenated and determined to lead my life and my projects in a way that would give me energy rather than drain me.
 
I trained as a coach
Inspired by a personal coaching session that had a profound effect on me I decided to train as a coach myself. I studied whilst working as a project manager and I began to use my newfound skills in my working environment. At the time I had no ambition to work as a professional coach. I simply felt that coaching was a magical skill that I wanted to master. Through my studies I learnt a lot about human behaviour and the beliefs that control the things we do and say. I also learnt to truly listen and to ask questions that help people reframe their problems. I wouldn’t go as far as saying that all project managers should train as coaches. But I would say that understanding human behaviour is essential for anyone who would like to get better at building relationships at work and leading a team.
 
I started doing yoga
Long before I had my first yoga class I intuitively knew that I would enjoy it. But for several years I listened to my friends' positive experiences without taking any action myself. When I finally attended a class I was hooked and didn’t have to force myself to go. Yoga helped me to be more mindful, to be more present in my body and to breathe properly. It’s the perfect antidote to stress. You simply cannot rush a yoga class. You have to focus on your breath and the poses. As soon as you think about to-do-lists or work you loose the ability to balance and follow the class.
 
I began to do more of what gives me energy
Around the same time I came across a little book called Energize! by Jo Salter. One of Jo’s exercises had a particular big effect on me. I had to list all the activities that I did during a day or a week and indicate whether they gave me energy or drained me from energy. Through this simple exercise I learnt that my most draining activity was to read through all outstanding emails at the end of my working day. I also became more aware of what I needed to do to reenergize outside of work. Apart from yoga I began to nourish my soul, for instance by visiting art galleries, going for walks and visiting places that I found stimulating. All in all it meant that I would start work on a Monday morning feeling happy and energized.
 
I began to pay more attention to what I eat
Although I was always mindful about what I ate, I wasn't as healthy as my body needed me to be. I would eat white bread, poor quality sandwiches, skip meals and have sugary snacks in the afternoon. Not to mention alcohol and the occasional cigarette. Today I give my body what it needs so that it can better withstand periods of intense activity. I have organic vegetables delivered from a farm, I have a healthy breakfast (oats, fruit and green tea), I no longer smoke or drink and I avoid coffee, sugary foods and excessive fat. Of course there’s no denying a good piece of dark chocolate! Our brain needs the good fats from nuts, seeds and oily fish, so that’s what I try to give it.
 
I learned to control my mental state
I also began to focus intently on controlling my thoughts and my mental state. I decided that I would no longer think about work once I left the office. Boy did I fail! 30 seconds after I left the office I would think about work. I then gently reminded myself that I had decided to leave work behind. 30 seconds later I thought about work again – and so the battle continued! And we battled on for several weeks until my disciplined mind finally won this crucial victory. I further sharpened my mind by starting my day with a power meditation. During this meditation I would read out my vision and mission statement and focus on the mental state that I wanted to adopt for the day. Today, if I have a bad day I acknowledge it and then do my best to put it away. In other words, I choose what I want to focus on.
 
Pick up on the signals that your body gives you
Like other jobs, project management can be a very stressful profession. I have felt it on my own body and I feel it through many of the people who I personally train and coach.
 
If you’re in a state of stress your body will show you signs of tension that you need to pick up on. If you overlook them and continue to deplete your batteries you could face burnout. That’s a serious condition. Fortunately it didn't happen to me, but it happened to one of my closest friends. She clearly saw the signs when her own brother went down with stress several years before she did, but she didn’t take her own symptoms seriously. She had a fever for several weeks but told herself that it would probably pass. It didn’t pass and she was signed off work with severe stress for several months. Don’t let that happen to you.
 
Be honest with yourself! Give your body and soul what it needs in order to be fit and healthy in the long term. Visiting India, getting into coaching and practicing yoga may not be your path. What’s important is that you do whatever feels right for you. Deep down you know what you need to do. You just need to take it seriously.
 
 
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​

In a previous post we looked at the importance of finding the right balance between positive and negative stress, so that you can operate within your zone of peak performance. If you have too much negative stress in your life the first step in combating it is to realize that you are indeed stressed and to accept that something needs to change. There are many things you can do to reduce stress. Some of them will help you deal with the immediate situation and release the physical tension whereas others will help you get to the root cause and assist you in changing the events and beliefs that trigger stress. Below is an overview of tools and techniques you can use in various situations depending on what you want to achieve.

1. Breathe deeply and slowly
One of the most powerful things you can do when you are stressed is to breathe deeply and slowly. In the heat of the moment you may not feel that you have time to slow down, but that’s probably the biggest sign that you need to relax and take a minute to regroup. Sit still for a moment and breathe deeply and calmly from your stomach. Pay attention to your breath as it fills up your stomach and lungs completely. Then follow it as it empties your stomach and lungs completely. Shut out all other thoughts for a couple of minutes and just feel your breath in your body. Try it now and see for yourself how powerful it is. Relax your body and breathe as deeply and slowly as you can.
 
There are many benefits of this technique. Equilibrium is restored in your body, your heart rate decreases, your lungs expand and your muscles loosen up. Deep breathing also calms the brain and releases endorphins into the system. These are natural painkillers in the body that help relax the muscles and nerves. In addition you will find that your emotional responses slow down, meaning that you are less likely to make knee-jerk decisions or react impulsively. Instead you are able to maintain your cool and make informed decisions. So remember to breathe deeply anytime you feel tense or use it to unwind after a long day.

2. Use visualization and relaxation techniques
There are many different types of relaxation techniques. Most of them serve to relax your muscles and to take your mind off the things that stress you. They will make you focus on a place of calm and stillness within in order to make external events seem less important. You will feel refreshed and calm as a result. Experiment and use the techniques that suit you best. Try meditation, yoga, guided visualizations or self-hypnosis. Sit quietly for 5 minutes every morning and every evening and focus on being calm and peaceful. Breathe deeply and slowly. Focus on how you want the day to unfold. Visualize yourself feeling confident, at ease and able to handle any situation. Imagine lots of tasks and issues being thrown at you while you calmly prioritize, delegate and decide on where to focus your attention. Try it now. Sit quietly for a moment and feel your internal source of power. Make it a habit to put yourself in a positive state before you begin your day.

3. Exercise and strengthen your physique
Regular exercise is one of the best techniques for reducing the physical effects of stress. It improves your health, loosens up your muscles and helps you slow down and go to sleep. When you exercise, the blood-flow in your body and to your brain increases and endorphins are released, which gives you a feeling of happiness and well-being. The most effective types of exercise are those that work the muscles in your upper body as that is where stress often builds up. If you exercise regularly you will have a healthier body and you will be able to better handle the long-term effects of stress. Not only will you be physically stronger; you will also be psychologically stronger. When you assume the physiology of someone who is strong and resourceful it is more difficult to be stressed. Try it now. Stand up tall and straighten your back. Be strong and feel the power of your being. Do you feel the immediate effect it’s having on your state of mind? Whenever you feel down or stressed, you should therefore change your physiology by stretching your body, moving around or going for walk.

4. Focus on your circle of influence
To reduce stress and make you feel more relaxed and confident, focus your attention on those factors that you can truly influence, and accept that some factors are outside of your control. As a manager your circle of influence is vast. You can influence your stakeholders, your team, the products and services you develop and how you develop them. You have the power to make decisions, delegate and resolve issues. And if you have been developing and nurturing the members of your team, they will be there to help you resolve the things you aren’t able to resolve on your own. These aspects are what you should be focusing on. But if instead you are constantly thinking about the things that you cannot control, you will feel powerless and frustrated. Examples could be worrying about the company’s lack of turnover or a new sponsor taking over the project. Put in place mitigating actions where you can, but if there is nothing you can do about a situation, let it be. Trust that if you do whatever you can, the rest will fall into place by itself.
 
5. Put things in perspective
When we are stressed we tend to blow things up and magnify issues. We get stressed over things that seem big, although in the grand scheme of things they may not be. Count to ten and observe the situation from another angle. To put the situation in perspective ask yourself how awful the stressing event is on a scale from 1 to 100 or how much it will matter in 12 months time? Compare your situation to other situations that are truly awful. If you assign it 20 points out of 100, make sure your stress response is aligned and not over exaggerated.

6. Slow down
If you have a tendency to get stressed, chances are that you have a type A personality. Type A personalities are typically high achievers who are full of energy and drive. They are competitive, critical and impatient and will often try to do more than one thing at the time. They operate at their maximum possible speed and feel that time is running out. People with a type A personality tend to interrupt and will often seek recognition from others. If this rings true for you, be conscious about slowing down. Actively make time for other people, relax and make an effort to focus on one thing at the time. You cannot operate at 100% capacity on an ongoing basis, so allow yourself to have lazy times, to laugh and to pursue your hobbies. When you spend time with people you love and doing whatever makes you feel good, it will take your mind off work, fuel your passion and energize you. So forget your to do lists for a while and what you “must” and “should” do. Even the best of warriors will save their energy for when they need it the most.

7. Identify unhelpful thinking patterns
Start to notice when you use unhelpful thinking patterns such as “It has to be 100% perfect”, or “I must/I should/I cannot”. Instead, think of preferences for how you want things to be. If you prefer things to be a certain way rather than need them to be a certain way, it will stress you less if they turn out to be different. Things do not have to perfect; they have to be good enough. Also watch out for negative thinking such as “I am not good enough” or “I am stupid”. Look at the situation from a rational perspective by asking if your viewpoint is reasonable and accurate. Think positively about yourself and your contributions. Imagine yourself as a positive and energetic individual and give yourself the best words of encouragement. Remember that there is no such thing as stupidity or failure. There are only opportunities to grow and learn. If you continue to have negative thoughts and put yourself down, work with a mentor or coach to help change the way you think and feel about yourself.

8. Shift your locus of control
People who have an external locus of control believe that most of what happens is controlled by fate or by other people and that they can do little to influence the situation. They tend to be more susceptible to nervous tension and stress and will often feel powerless in changing their own circumstances. Make an effort to shift your locus of control to be more internally focused. Remind yourself that events happen as a result of your own decisions and actions. You choose how you react to a situation and you have the power to change your circumstances. Realize that you always have a choice. Sometimes the only option may be to change your attitude, but you always have a choice. If you feel trapped, make a list of all possible courses of action. Brainstorm and write things down without evaluating them first. Ask yourself what you could do to change the situation and in which ways you could resolve the issue by changing your beliefs? When you have a list of all possible actions, evaluate each one and decide on the best one for you.

9. Prioritize and plan your time
Stress and time management are closely related as it is easy to feel overwhelmed by having too much on your plate. Learn to manage your workload so that you don’t get stressed by its volume and by upcoming deadlines. Keep a list of things you must do and prioritize it every evening before you leave the office. Resolve to always start the day with the most important tasks and resist the temptation to attend to the small and easy tasks first. Be proactive and work on important things well before they become urgent and stressful. Your task list will change many times during the day and urgent issues will almost always crop up, so make sure you are prepared for it. Before you start something new always check if it is the best use of your time right now and if it could be delegated to someone else.

10. Learn to say no
​Sometimes we cause ourselves unnecessary stress by saying yes to things which we really want to say no to. This can be in all kinds of situations, from small favors to taking on an extra project even if we are already running one full time. Remember that there are only so many hours in the day. Whatever you choose to take on limits your ability to focus on the most important aspects of your current project and to produce the good results that you and your team will be measured against. Even if you somehow can fit in a new commitment, you really should not unless it is more important than what you are currently doing. If you are uncomfortable saying no, or are dealing with a pushy boss, just say, “Let me think about it and get back to you”. This gives you a chance to review your schedule and think about how you really want to respond. If you do want to say yes, but don't have the time, look at what you can fit in. Say “I cannot do this, but I can do…” and mention a lesser commitment that you can make. In this way you will still be partially involved, but on your terms.
 
You probably agree that whereas most of the above techniques are simple in concept, they aren’t necessarily easy to implement. We all have innate ways of thinking and reacting that get in our way, and it can take time to change them. Don’t give up however. If you find the journey challenging, seek help from a mentor, coach or buddy. Where there is will there is way!
 
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Stress is interesting. As the below stress curve shows, you do need some pressure in order to perform at your best, but too much pressure (or stress) leads to declining performance and potentially burnout. If you get close to burnout you may lose your energy, drive and proactiveness. You will feel overwhelmed and find it difficult to respond to external demands and it could take you a while to recover. Too little pressure on the other hand is also not ideal. If you don’t feel that there is a need, demand or desire for your skills and capabilities you will slowly lose your confidence and feel less motivated to contribute. We call that “rustout”. 

​In order to be as resourceful as possible and operate within your zone of peak performance it’s important that you get the balance right between too much and too little pressure. Your role requires you to deal with several things at once, maintain the overview and delve into the detail when required. You need full access to your brain to embrace challenging moments, make decisions, resolve issues, delegate and motivate.
 
Taking on too much work pressure can be a major hindrance for being resourceful and for performing at your best. When you let external events stress you, it’s your “emotional brain” that takes over and that makes you feel unsettled, constrained and tense. This also means that you are not making full use of the frontal part of your brain where your reason and logic resides. Fortunately you can keep negative stress at bay by understanding how it comes about.
 
Negative stress is a feeling of not being in control. It is something you experience when the demand for your time and services exceeds what you feel you have to offer – or when there is a significant difference between what you expect and what actually happens. A key point in relation to stress management is your subjective feelings and perceptions. What is stressful to one may not be stressful to another.
 
Many people believe that stress is a direct result of external events and stressors, such as a demanding stakeholder or boss. But emotional stress doesn’t stem directly from external events. It stems from the beliefs you hold about them. The meaning you choose to attach to an event is the meaning it takes on. When you interpret an event as being negative or bad, you get into a negative or stressful state and vice versa. Therefore, it’s not the events themselves that determine how you feel, but the meaning you attach to them. It is with stress as with so many other factors of life; you need to look inwards before you look outwards.
 
There are numerous types of situations on a project that could cause you excessive stress if you don’t pay attention and actively work on your beliefs. This could be anything from being asked to plan a new large project, having to quickly make major decisions, presenting the to steering committee, managing a growing inbox, dealing with unexpected issues, facing off to senior executives, dealing with challenging team members and having to justify project estimates and timescales. The list goes on.
 
Whereas you may not be able to control an unreasonable stakeholder or boss, you are able to control how you respond. The key is to pause when you begin to feel stressed, and to count to ten in order to prevent your emotional brain from taking over and generating and automatic reaction. As you pause, look at the situation from several angles and ask yourself which meaning you attach to the event that you find stressful. At that time, also remind yourself that you can only really grow and develop when you're being stretched and tested. When you’re under pressure you get the opportunity to show your real strengths and to come up with creative solutions.  Many people perform really well at the edge of their comfort zone.
 
Finding the right balance between negative and positive stress is also relevant with respect to the teams you manage. If you don’t put sufficient demands on your team members, you are unlikely to lead them to high performance. If on the other hand you put too much pressure on them without providing the necessary support, they will begin to feel overly stressed and will under-perform. The best way to find out how they feel isn’t just to observe them, but to ask them. As a project leader it’s your responsibility to monitor your team’s stress levels as much as your own.

Have a look at the next post in the series where I provide the Ten Timeless Techniques to Combat Negative Stress.
 
If you liked this post, you may also like:
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