A successful project manager and leader is so much more than someone who is capable of producing a plan and track its activities. To be a leader, you must keep an eye on the vision, be able to navigate the unknown and focus on people as much as you focus on tasks. 

Your ability to build trusting and lasting relationships with your stakeholders is one of the key ingredients to becoming a successful project manager and leader. Read through the six principles below and ask yourself how you score on a scale from 1 to 10.

1. Seek first to understand before being understood
When you invest time in really understanding your stakeholders, the dynamics of the conversations and your relationships change. People become more open, receptive and more interested in what you may have to say when you actively engage and comprehend their situation. If you don’t listen properly, misunderstandings will invariably creep in and the quality of your relationships will weaken. Make every effort to really engage and understand the other person’s position. Make eye contact and ask into their feelings and opinions. Only when you fully understand their position should you speak up about your own topic and agenda.
 
2. Have empathy and think in win/win solutions
Empathy means being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and understand how they feel. View situations and responses from your stakeholder’s perspective and be committed to always finding solutions that will truly benefit all parties. The win-win idea is not based on compromise or on one of the parties giving up their position and need. It is rooted in the belief that synergies and mutual benefit can be drawn from every situation.

3. Set a good example as a project manager and leader
The quickest way to lose the respect of your stakeholders is to be a careless and unstructured project manager. On the contrary, your stakeholders will respect you for being an effective person who keeps taps on risks, issues, decisions and actions – including their own! Keep track of key decisions and hold stakeholders accountable for the activities they take on. Always turn up to meetings prepared and have the necessary information ready at hand.

4. Be honest and open about project progress 
Believe in yourself and be honest and open enough to say things the way they are. Never over-promise or feel pressurised to saying yes to unreasonable demands. Have the confidence and courage to talk openly about project issues and to ask for help when required. Your stakeholders will respect you for being honest and appreciate being given the chance to help out before the situation aggravates. You will score points for being realistic and for having your project’s interests at heart. Painting the picture rosier than it is helps no one.

5. Be proactive and take responsibility for your actions
Gain respect and admiration from your stakeholders by proactively resolving risks and issues in a resourceful way. When we are proactive we look for durable solutions and we take full responsibility for the consequences of our actions. We face the world with a can-do attitude and a mindset that we have the ability to change a situation for the better. You may have no control over what hits your project, but you do have control over how you respond.

6. Maintain a positive mental attitude 
Do your best to maintain a positive mental attitude. Be cheerful, friendly and smile. The positive energy you radiate will draw others to you and give your stakeholders the impression that you are in your comfort zone. Don’t be afraid to be funny or clever as most people are drawn to a person that can make them laugh. Use your sense of humour as an effective tool to lower barriers and gain people’s affection. Having said that, remember to always be respectful when you use humour. 

Questions for reflection

• How can you become a better listener and build better relationships?
• What can you do to be more proactive and more positive?
• In which situations to you need to get better at asking for help?

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We all know that managing a project can be emotionally draining. On a bad day we spend most of our time resolving issues, mitigating risks and dealing with conflict. This can be draining because the stakes are high and because we want to do our best to protect the schedule. After all, our job is to remove blockages and fix problems so that the project can be delivered without delays. But might there be another reason why we’d want to find a solution to a risk or an issue?

Could it be, for instance, that we subconsciously find conflict, uncertainty and question marks so uncomfortable that we intuitively want to move away from them? Could it be that we hurry to find a 'quick fix' simple because we want to get away from an emotionally difficult situation? Wanting to avoid discomfort is human nature; most people go to great lengths to avoid the things they find unpleasant, more so than the things they desire.

Consider for instance the following situations;

1. A member of your team has been underperforming for some time. You find it uncomfortable to confront him as he may take it badly, get defensive and ultimately highlight that your own level of support and leadership have been lacking. Instead of facing up to it, your 'quick fix' is to assign him less demanding work which somewhat disguises the issue.
2. The sponsor has a habit of changing direction and altering the project’s strategic objectives and as a result the project team lacks focus. You don’t feel that you have the right amount of business knowledge to debate with the sponsor and fear that you would get 'caught out' if you attempted to. Instead your 'quick fix' is to effectively deal with change requests when they come up and adjust the plan accordingly. You keep hoping that it’s the last time your sponsor has a change or heart and try to motivate the team as best you can. 
3. Many of the planned tasks are taking longer than expected and the project has been delayed more than once. When a slippage occurs your 'quick fix' is to ask people to work evenings and weekends to make up for it. You don’t have the courage to temporarily stop the project, reassess and re-estimate it and be transparent about the true effort of remaining work to the client.
   

How emotionally challenging are you finding these situations and how likely are you to quickly want to fix them, for instance by smoothing the situation or by complying where you should instead be inquisitive? When we smooth a situation we may never get to the root cause and properly address the issue. Dealing with poor performance for instance, a project that’s going off track or an incoherent project sponsor requires us to face the issue, name it and address it, rather than patching it up. It is when we can stay with the issue emotionally and explore the underlying reasons that we can begin to resolve it.

Next time you find yourself in an emotionally challenging situation how can you find the courage to face up to it – and fully explore it – before moving forward? It is okay to feel uncomfortable as long as you don’t let the discomfort deter you.


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When I coach or train a group of project managers, one of the biggest concerns they bring up is how to deal with opponents; i.e. senior stakeholders and clients who have a lot of power and influence over the project but who are not supportive. Or at least they come across as not being supportive. 

Understand the root of their skepticism
When you look at your opponents, consider how they are acting towards you. Are they indifferent, absent and maybe non-committal? Could it be that your project is simply at the bottom of their priority list? If so, what can you do to increase their interest in the project and make them see the benefits and what’s in it for them? How can you take into consideration their other time commitments and make it easier for them to participate? 

If, on the other hand, this isn’t a time management or a prioritization issue, but a deeper-rooted problem, you have to take a closer look at the emotions and the reasons that drive your opponent's behavior. What are the underlying needs that they feel are not being met? Could it be that they feel their voice is not being heard and their contributions aren’t being appreciated and that the project isn’t giving them what they were hoping for? Or do they in some way feel threatened by the project and what it will bring about? What can you do to actively engage these people and uncover the reasons for their skepticism? Maybe it is time for you to "walk into the lion’s cage" to find out?

Ask for advice
As you walk into the lion’s cage, one of the best ways to address your opponents is to ask for advice and feedback. This is a very disarming move, which instantly builds trust and opens up the relationship because you show that you care and that you are humble enough to ask for their opinion. Just imagine how they might react if you asked: “I would like to ask for your feedback about the project. I value your opinion on how you believe we can work more effectively and deliver a better product or service to you. Would that be ok? Are there any aspects (requirements, risks or issues) you feel we have overlooked? Which other tips and suggestions do you have for how we can improve?”

Sincerely listen to their answer
These questions have the potential to work wonders for you – but only if you sincerely mean it and take the time to really listen to the answer and to the meaning behind the words. Leave your negative emotions by the door, put your tongue on neutral and just listen. If you walk into a meeting that aims to build trust, with mistrust, you will undermine the process. We are often not aware of the emotions we bring to a situation ourselves – and neither is the other person – but subconsciously it always comes across. If you fundamentally don’t trust or respect the person you are interfacing with, they will detect it.

Your emotions affect your relationships
Take a moment to reflect on what your true feelings are towards some of the people with whom you have a tense relationship. Do you look up to them, down on them, do you fear them or do you think they are laughable? Do you unintentionally exclude them from emails and meetings, or do you tend to speak badly about them to other people? Have a long and hard look at the emotions and attitudes you hold, as they affect your interactions with people even if you would like them not to. 

It is easy to fall into the trap of blaming someone else for a poor interpersonal relationship and for being skeptical towards us. But the truth is that we, as project managers, share the responsibility for creating a harmonious and dynamic stakeholder group – and that it is entirely within our sphere to do so. Building relationships is a two-way thing, and realizing that we can indeed change the situation – if we choose to – is a powerful first step. 


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Overcoming Resistance to Change

Preparing for and attending steering committee meetings is one of your most important roles and responsibilities as a project manager. Although the meeting is likely to only take place once a month, this may be your best opportunity to promote your team and the progress it has made. This is also your chance to personally impress senior stakeholders by communicating to them at the right level and by showing them that you are in control of the project. You can wow them by being honest, to the point, by knowing the detail and by displaying important milestones and metrics in straightforward graphs and charts.

Follow the below tips and you’ll be off to a flying start with the project’s most senior decision makers.
 
1. Be prepared
Always prepare thoroughly for steering committee meetings and produce a flawless presentation. People know immediately when you are well prepared for a meeting and when you are not. When you are prepared, your credibility goes up; when you are not prepared, your credibility goes down. When you are prepared and know the detail of your project you come across as honest and credible and your stakeholders will trust your opinion. You will be able to easily answer their questions and you won’t have to give vague answers or promise something which you can’t keep. 
 
2. Understand the emotional journey
Consider the emotional journey you want to take the audience through. Which emotional state is your sponsor and key stakeholders likely to have at the beginning of the meeting and which emotional state would you like them to have at the end of the meeting? If you want them to be impressed for instance, focus on highlighting things that will impress them. If you want them to feel that the project is in a safe pair of hands, show them that you have assigned mitigating actions and owners to all risks and issues.

3. Communicate at the right level
The project’s steering committee will consist of senior managers who are working to busy schedules and who deal with a multitude of issues and decisions on a daily basis. Make the meeting as simple and pleasant for them as possible by summarizing the project’s progress and by only providing detailed information where important risks, issues or decisions need to be discussed. Your stakeholders will love you for keeping the meeting focused and for not wasting their time. 
 
4. Promote achievements and successes
Ensure that the presentation clearly shows all major accomplishments and the good work which the team is doing. Take on the role of an ambassador for the project and put it in the positive light it deserves. When highlighting achievements, make sure you mention the benefits of these achievements to the end users. Speak the language of your client and show that you understand their business. Include timelines which show what has been delivered to date and which main products and milestones are still outstanding.
 
5. Know your numbers 
Impress your stakeholders by tracking the project’s key performance indicators. Know how much money the project is burning per month, what the estimate is to completion, and how much scope you have delivered compared to plan and budget. Include these earned value metrics in your presentation and insert simple graphs and charts to make the information more appealing and readable. Have the detailed financial figures at hand in case you need it. Be honest about the numbers and clearly state where the project is not on track.

6. Be on top or risks and issues
Always include the project’s top 5 or 10 risks and issues in the presentation to the steering committee. Make sure you have analyzed each item in detail and assigned appropriate actions and owners to each entry. Ask the senior stakeholders for advice and guidance on risks, issues and change requests that have the potential to significantly affect the project’s schedule, budget or quality. Provide them with all the information needed to make a decision. You will score points for bringing significant concerns to their attention and for demonstrating that you have the project’s best interests at heart.

7. Record actions and decisions
Always take minutes from the meeting so that people who were unable to attend can stay informed. Taking minutes also helps you reinforce what was decided and which actions were agreed upon and by whom. Have someone double-check the accuracy of your memo or email before you send it, but be sure to distribute it within 24 hours of the meeting taking place. Your steering committee will respect you for being an effective person who keeps taps on decisions and actions – including their own! 

To download a PowerPoint template which you can use for your own Steering Committee meetings, register to get access to the RESOURCES page. It’s completely free of charge.
 
You can also find out more about how to set up steering committee meetings and communicating effectively with your senior stakeholders by purchasing The Project Management Coaching Workbook - Six Steps to Unleashing Your Potential. Read the great reviews on Amazon!

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